Paul C

aparently true calls!!! Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to Enquiries, can you help?" Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?" Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre." Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours." ---------------------------------------------------------- Samsung Electronics Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?" Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about." Caller: "On page 1, section 5 of the User Guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?" Operator: "I think it means the telephone point on the wall." ---------------------------------------------------------- Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ): "If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?" ---------------------------------------------------------- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?" Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label: Woven in Scotland ." ---------------------------------------------------------- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on." ---------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "OK." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No". Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." ---------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" ---------------------------------------------------------- Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?" ---------------------------------------------------------- There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Help Line, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the Customer Care Department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired. However, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organisation for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator: "Ridge Hall, Computer Assistance. May I help you?" Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Operator: "What sort of trouble?" Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." Operator: "Went away?" Caller: "They disappeared." Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" Caller: "Nothing." Operator: "Nothing?" Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" Caller: "How do I tell?" Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?" Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" Caller: "There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" Caller: "What's a monitor?" Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" Caller: "I don't know." Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" Caller: "Yes, I think so." Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: "Yes, it is." Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" Caller: "No." Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." Caller: "Okay, here it is." Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." Caller: "I can't reach." Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" Caller: "No." Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." Operator: "Dark?" Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then." Caller: "I can't." Operator: "No? Why not?" Caller: "Because there's a power failure." Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" Caller: "Well, yes. I keep them in the closet." Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?" Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??" Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!"

merc fit brembo drilled discs to most of their big engined cars & sport pack cars as standard now! never seen one crack

£160 all in for a week S/C, costs more to take a week off & stay in England by the time youve gone out a couple of times :( go book a holiday!! :D

please dont shout. it has been responded to & something is being done to sort it out. thanks.

no i wont - fooking horrible stuff!!! :hurl:

:rofl:

mate, I will be sitting in the sun by then!! ;) :D

the voice of reason! Paul - I really dont think it is reasonable or fair to post your account of the facts at this stage without Ryan being able to reply. As said before, Shunter has replied to your last post & is going to contact Ryan on his return - what more can be done until then? this really isnt doing your cause any good IMHO. why not let Neil do his bit & wait until he has spoken to Ryan.

LOL! know what you mean, my mates back out to Ibiza in a few weeks, hes got the right hump im going on hol with my girlfriend tomorrow instead! :D went to Krakow, Poland at christmas with 9 of my mates - top time that was :D

LOL!! i did wonder how I was gonna get one of my mates on the plane on the last day!! we were on the lash all day & most of the night then made our way back - proper hammered! he fell asleep on the coach to the airport then :hurl: went back to sleep, 10 mins later he wakes up & says to me all worried "oh god, im throwing up blood" looking down at the sick on the seat where hes sitting. "no mate, thats the pattern in the seat - wipe your mouth on the curtains & go back to sleep!!" which he did until we got to the airport, then :hurl: :hurl: :hurl: :rofl: could hardly stand going through check in!!! :rofl:

pussy's - done it for a week solid!! :duffer:

cant wait!! :hyper: :duffer: :duffer: :duffer: :nana2:

yup, gotta love VRB's!!! :D was drinking pints of them in Ibiza for 6Euro's IIRC!!

under new european block exemption laws, OE is now classed as any part that is made for a manufacturer regardless of packaging, so *legally* & physically if its the same part in the box then it is now classed as OE parts ;)

NGK generally only use genuine or uprated aftermarket

is this for "most vague post of the year" award?!?!? i'll start - spark plugs!

iv got 8 of them & a 4 poster :p :D

LMAO :D surely the term "measured at the flywheel" gives a clue!! - unless youve got a starting handle you aint gonna get a figure on an engine dyno at all!! :rofl:

ok, maybe were at cross terms here, you seem to have said in your post that the engine does not produce more power if you lighten the crank assembly. what i am saying is that it will! there will be a greater measurable amount of power at the F/W if you reduce the weight of rotational components in an engine as there are less frictional losses because of the weight reduction. :)

exactly!! do you think it takes the same amount of power to turn the crank regardless of how much it weighs??? what if it weighed 1/2 ton. how much power do you think we would measure on a dyno?? you are freeing up power that would be used to actually turn the additional weight! the more weight on the crank assembly, the more power you need to turn it. assuming were not running an engine in a friction free vacuum!!!

lighter weight on the rotating crank assembly DOES free up BHP! it takes a certain amount of power to actually turn the crank. reducing this weight will gain you bhp. forgot what it is but think its around 1 - 1.5bhp/lb

great advise :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

RLTC is a top mod!! my fave :)

got them on mine (pads & discs), TBH not a great improvement over stock really! bit better & not a bad price i suppose tho

LOL!! should have replaced them as a pair 1st time round then!!! :tongue: