Technically this wasn't today it was the weekend.
Drove my new car home to find exhaust coming out from under the bonnet, found answer to the question of 'why had the seller stopped us from taking it out on the motorway by leaving so little petrol in the tank?'. As soon as engine was off, went inside house, came out with tools, removed worse spoiler in the world. Removed black stick on flames from sides (along with a load of paint). Dissasembled and WD40'd doors to try and get the locks shifting. Inspected car and realised I needed: engine, turbos, hoses, turbo pipes, rear tyres, targa seals, seats, interior trim, air vents, leccy window switches, window motor, stereo, alarm, immobiliser, front speakers, headlight seal, rear bumper, rear window seal, front bumper, side skirts, door cards, propshaft bearing, propshaft?, MAF (or lambda), alternator, PTU and coils. Wondered why my car was still on autotrader, wondered how seller expected us not to say WTF when we noticed car had done 140K not 39K.
The end