not met before for example at a meet.

 

how do YOU drum up a conversation thats doesnt make you sound like a boring shit!

 

my hate is meeting people for the first time especially at meets cos i trip over my words and can't think of anything interesting to say. most conversations last about a minute and then im back to wandering around the cars generally embarrassed and try to avoid conversation again.

 

its a bit of a social problem with me. i love the cars and im a total petrol head but to interact with the human race i find is the most difficult thing for me. think im becoming a agrophobic ! :shock:

 

perhaps i just don't have must in common with most folk.

 

 

 

ps sorry for the serious question just got me thinking tonight as im getting really pissed off with myself :mad:

perhaps i am just a boring shit LOL.

Blimey.

Could of written that first post myself!

I've always been a petrolhead, used to do a bike or car show most summer weekends.I just ask about car/bike + see what reaction i get, sometimes people cant shut up about their toys!

Some just want to show off+ not chit chat.

I'm still fairly new to these, so if i see anyone next year, expect a lot of dumbarse questions :slap:

Always working 6-7 days now though, but i will try :rant:

lol mate wear an amuseing t shirt that normally works for me

Blimey.

Could of written that first post myself!

I've always been a petrolhead, used to do a bike or car show most summer weekends.I just ask about car/bike + see what reaction i get, sometimes people cant shut up about their toys!

Some just want to show off+ not chit chat.

I'm still fairly new to these, so if i see anyone next year, expect a lot of dumbarse questions :slap:

Always working 6-7 days now though, but i will try :rant:

 

its when you ask a question etc and you get 1 word answers or the peolple are generally not interested in talking to you.

 

i feel that first impressions count and most people take a visual appearance as being the persons personality. i haven't got a strong open personality. generally the stronger /bold people at meets do very well with meeting new people. the open characters (don't give a shite approach ) generally works very well. i can name a few characters on here i wich i could honestly say i want to have there confidence or lack of care to how others think of them.

 

im constantly worried how or what i say affect how others perceive me in a given situation. and im seriously thinking i suffer from a mild form or agrophobia. :nelson:

tbh mate if you go up to someone and ask about their car and they give you one word answers they arent worth talking to if anyone asks me anything i'll bore them to death for 20 mins lol and i know hardly owt about cars lol

lol mate wear an amuseing t shirt that normally works for me

but that can also show you lack of care for how others see you. i would honestly be paronoid about wearing something remotely controversial.

 

i really wish i could walk out and just say fook em if they don't like me for who i am then its there loss. but i just can get it into my thick skull thats all i need to do.

 

constantly worry about others opinions has got me to this.

tbh mate if you go up to someone and ask about their car and they give you one word answers they arent worth talking to if anyone asks me anything i'll bore them to death for 20 mins lol and i know hardly owt about cars lol

lol. perhaps thats it i can't get out of the Z box :D

come up to the northwest meet this weekend (bit of a trek i know), but you'll recieve a warm welcome up here... Especially from pete! ;)

 

It is hard mate, and often at "car meets" people go in the clique, and its difficult to start a random conversation, because those people are interested in tlaking to their mates and not meeting other people. So if you can start a conversation with somone then your doing all your can, but if they then only answer with single words then its them that cant think of a reasonable response! You've done your bit, if they are not bothered screw em.

you just have to take the plunge mate ive been told im a scary site walking up to complete strangers but if you've chatted to people on here i usually tell them to look out for me at the location of the meet car colour spoiler etc then by the time i arrive they usually know its me and your right i dont care what anyone thinks of me cos they arent worth worrying about your always welcome at the s/w yorks meets if you fancy a trek lol

So if you can start a conversation with somone then your doing all your can, but if they then only answer with single words then its them that cant think of a reasonable response! You've done your bit, if they are not bothered screw em.

 

i will make the effort but not this side of xmas. need a new clutch in the z before contemplating that sort of journey. i do want to meet the northern lot.

 

on the other point tho once you try to talk to sombody and get that knock back its sooo fooking difficult to step up again and ask somebody else.

 

you end up sitting at the party/meet/event quiet as a mouse just listen to others talk and not able to think of anything interesting/witty to say without fear or looking a complete twat or fear of silence when the comment you made wasn't as funny as it was when you ran thorugh it in your head. :headvswal

sounds like i need to move up t'north!

its that south coast air mate it rots your self confidence lol

its that south coast air mate it rots your self confidence lol

SOFT SOUTHERN SHANDY DRINKERS !

Im would love to offer an easy solution for you matey but i think im in the "walk up to some one and say hi, couldnt give a monkeys type bloke" and have never had a problem talking to strangers. I suppose working as a copper its a must.

 

I would say the thing you have to bare in mind is that MOST people are at meets for the same reason, for the cars. And that there are people just like yourself who are just as nervous about speaking to complete strangers, and maybe why yur getting one word answers from them???

 

The fact is fella, that your making the effort to approach someone to introduce yourself. If you can get over that hurdle then i certainly wouldnt say your someone lacking in self confidence. I would say the next hardest thing would be finding that conversation starter.

 

Personally, once ive got the initial reaction off someone, i generally start with something like " Sorry, my names nick, ive got the 300zx over there" or "A good mate of mine used to have one of these, and he really rated it". It doesnt matter what the car is, it could be a complete wreck, but youve given someone that little something to comeback with.

 

Using "open" questions is also worth trying. Things like "If i were to buy one of those, what the best thing to look out for" as opposed to "how long you had that" which is likely to end up with one word answers.

 

oh, and get that *****x of being agrophobic out of your head, nobber!!!

Its a confidence thing gaz, i find in general life sometimes dependant on my mood i cant be fooked to talk, other times i dont shut up. As said get the agrophobic out of your head, just jump in and you will find your worrying over nothing, i think your a nice bloke mate, and would happily drink a soft southern shandy with ya ;)

but that can also show you lack of care for how others see you. i would honestly be paronoid about wearing something remotely controversial.

 

i really wish i could walk out and just say fook em if they don't like me for who i am then its there loss. but i just can get it into my thick skull thats all i need to do.

 

constantly worry about others opinions has got me to this.

 

Youve not been castrated recently have you??? :slap:

Its a confidence thing gaz, i find in general life sometimes dependant on my mood i cant be fooked to talk, other times i dont shut up. As said get the agrophobic out of your head, just jump in and you will find your worrying over nothing, i think your a nice bloke mate, and would happily drink a soft southern shandy with ya ;)

 

 

Dont do it gaz!!!!! Its hard enough understanding what gregs saying when hes sober, never mind after a couple of pints of scrumpy! :rofl:

Dont do it gaz!!!!! Its hard enough understanding what gregs saying when hes sober, never mind after a couple of pints of scrumpy! :rofl:

eazzy old richmond boy! :slap: :D

Well, in my previous career I was a Shrink (honestly!). The reason people are nervous, embarrassed in such situations is what we called 'awfulising'. It means imagining the worse situation. You go and say 'hello' to a stranger and they tell you 'to f*** off' or you go and say 'hi' to a girl you fancy and she laughs at you for thinking you have a chance. We just imagine the worse. Some people don't give a monkeys as what someone things has no effect on their life but others do bother.

For people who came for help in such situations we get them to recognise their thought patterns and try and get them to stop imagining the worse. This would be done through 'homework' going into a food shop and asking for a can of paint, going into a car accessory shop and asking for milk, going up to ten people a day who you don't know and saying 'good morning' or 'hello'. After a while this went to going up to ten strangers a day and saying something positive such as complementing them on their car, their coat, their hair - anything. The third stage was going up to a stranger and greeting them and asking them an open question (one which can't be answered 'yes' or 'no'). Always worked. Uncomfortable sometimes for people but it always worked. Another aspect is also secondary discomfort. You get worried or nervous about getting worried or nervous and are scared that it will show. This makes you more nervous.

Hope thats some help.

i wouldnt worry about it mate you seemed pretty friendly on the rolling road meet i came to. I think i have a problem with social impotence too but it is not about confidence i just really hate the boringness of the first few steps of small talk you go through when you first meet a person before you find the common ground and can have a laugh with them. I suppose the advantage of meets is that everyone there has the common ground of zeds to start off with and they wouldnt be there if they werent interested in their cars so i wouldnt worry that you will be boring them with car talk.

I just get chatting. I have to in my current line of work anyway as I have to meet customers at meetings that I've never met before. Sure, there's a point to me being there, but there's a point and a common interest at a car meet. Each and everyone has different ways of tackling it. I rarely get nervous or feel intimidated by starting up a conversation with someone I don't know, so just end up talking about something random. 'Nice wheel nuts mate' or something similar! LOL

 

I'm happy to just start chatting to anyone to be honest. I totally understand Fightgear's comments about awfulising. I am one of those people, but I always put a front on. Whilst I often think the worst and I'm quite pessimistic, I hide that part of me and put on a front as a barrier.

NickZ32 and Fightgear have given you the answer. Go in smiling. Ask an open question,"Hey your car really shines, what polish do you use?" Think about the questions before you set out. Get a few supplementarys lined up so you can jump in again. Avoid closed questions, those that get one word answers. If you develop a good opening gambit use it on several different people, you may have heard it before but they haven't (not from you anyway). It won't take long to break the ice but until you get the confidence it can be difficult.

mate come find me. if im at a meet ill chat with ya :)

 

I dont give a shit, I figure if your at a meet then everyone is there for the same reasons as you. If they just give you 1 word syllables then they are either shy or very very dull.

 

Anyway yoou have to live up to your Nicks reputation of hellraiser. Id be intrested to find out how accurate it is. If your dull, by christ, I'd have amunition for years on here.

Yes most people at a car meet are there to look at everyone elses cars to compare theirs by. They to talk to people about their cars and thats it. Some people will click with each other and make friendships other won't, but become like minded people who'll be helpful and may ask for help.

 

You aren't going to turn up and be close friends with everyone and some of the people there will know each other very well or not so well, but have the fact that they have met at previous meets as comon ground.

 

If you are unsure what to say just hang out on the edge of conversations and pipe up if you have something to say.

 

The most important thing though is this. Most of the people I've met at club meets are sound. We know some people are shy or feel like outsiders and generally make people welcome.

 

Get in there and give it a go. Get to a few meets and let it take its course. It's not going to kill you, or bankrupt you, or make you lose your job or your home and remember. We all make tits of ourselves at times. It's part of being human, but when someone else is embarassed or uncomfortable how do you treat them and why?

 

You see you aint any different from the rest of us. Just unsure cos you haven't practised enough. So get out there and expect some mistakes but don't worry what people think about you. The alternative is never meet and then they'll never think anything about you, good or bad.