Ok, on another thread we've seen what some cruel and heartless beasties do to YTS and apprentice people, so what's your best wind-up?

 

ie : sending someone out for a bag of GKN sparks or some fallopian tubes. :D :D

Sending one down to the stores for a long stand!

 

I've been got with a message to call a Mr Lyon at a number that was the local zoo or a Mr Rose at a number that was the botanic gardens. But most irritating was a week where I had to shout down the phone all week to be heard due to a piece of cardboard inserted into the microphone part of my phone. All a long time ago of course when I was wetter behind the ears.

 

However I got my own back on one of my torturers when he took a call at my desk - the end of his tie was in my partially open drawer so I shut it gently. He near strangled himself when the call was finished much to the delight of our colleagues.

Persuading some poor young lady that breweries used specially bred ferrets (specially bred for a particular type of nice fluffy fur) to clean their pipes with.

 

This all started when someone who worked for British Gas talked about using a pig. Which as any fule kno is the name for the automated thingy they bung down gas mains to inspect them. Said young lady originally thought this was a real animal and thought it was a bit cruel. We said, yes but they're not the only animal used in similar circumstances. For example...

 

Big breweries have miles and miles of lots of different sizes of pipe and keeping them clean is a big problem.

 

Hence the ferrets - empty the pipe, bung in your lovely clean ferret, train it to scamper along to the other end and bingo! Clean pipe. (Yes, you've got to clean the ferret between uses.)

 

And yes, there are different sizes of pipe so there are different breeds of ferret. Bred to 2" dia, 3" dia and so on.

 

(HL & S so far ;) )

 

Now that we've gone metric, however, all the pipe sizes have changed so we are having to import continental ferrets and put down all the imperial ones..... The rabies quarantine is a big problem. IIRC it was only about here that she twigged :D

 

Later that same night she was heard to say "no but they really did used to run radios on steam cos they called it steam radio"

 

still laffin' - Gio

used to work in a kitchen as a chef along time ago and when the new commis chef arrived did the wind up mid way through a busy session , advised the commis that in the dry store near the pasta he would find 3 packs of fallopian tubes and to run and get one and to be quick, this pore lad came out of the store in complete dismay as he could not find them (understandably) anyway explained where they were and said that if he could not find them to get one of the waitresses to help.

 

Sure enough he grabed a waitress to give him a hand , he appeared from the dry store looking very embarresed with the waitress in fits of laughter at this poor young commis chef asking if she would help him find some fallopian tubes.

 

Had to be there really to appreciate how funny it really was

I read a thread on scoobynet a while back about stapling loads of plastic water cups together, spelling the word "knob", "twat" or something with the cups.

 

Then you fill them all up to the brim with water :D

 

Dunno if anyone's ever done it, but It'd be nigh on impossible to shift it without making a huge mess/scene :D:D

 

Pete

I managed to get one of my mates to go to John's of Romford to pick up a power band for my ZX6R. LMAO, he walked out of there with a red bungee cord LOL.

 

This was the same guy we sent into B&Q for a skirting board ladder !.

 

On Quiet nights in we used to invite him over to make dodgy calls to random numbers with enquires like "Is Mr. Wall there please ?, no ok, how about Mrs Wall ?, no oh, are there any walls there ?, no ?. Well how does your roof stay on ???".

 

He was a classic because even if he got framed in mid sentence he was so stupid that he would just carry on.

For example..... We got him to phone up my uncle and say he was from the electricity board. The conversation should have went something like this....

Numb Nuts:

"Good evening sir, I'm sorry to disturb you. We have had a couple of complaints about power cuts in your area. Would you mind doing me a big favour and checking that your fridge is still running ?"

Random person:

"Erm, ok I'll go and check" - walks away from the phone and then comes back a short while later "Yes it's still running"

Numb Nuts:

"Well you better run after it then..."

 

Instead it went like this...

Numb Nuts:

"Hello, Sorry to bother you. We have had some complaints about power cuts in your area. Would you mind doing me a big favour and checking that your fridge is still running ?"

Random person:

"Erm, ok I'll go and check" - walks away from the phone and then comes back a short while later "No, It's not running any more"

Numb Nuts:

"Well you better run after it then...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHHA"

 

There is always a complete doughnut in every peer group. Everyone likes him just because he is a twat !!!!

Originally posted by pete shrimp

I read a thread on scoobynet a while back about stapling loads of plastic water cups together, spelling the word "knob", "twat" or something with the cups.

 

Then you fill them all up to the brim with water :D

 

Dunno if anyone's ever done it, but It'd be nigh on impossible to shift it without making a huge mess/scene :D:D

 

Pete

 

 

That'll be one of AstraBoy's suggestions, then. :D

Originally posted by smw1

I managed to get one of my mates to go to John's of Romford to pick up a power band for my ZX6R. LMAO, he walked out of there with a red bungee cord LOL.

 

This was the same guy we sent into B&Q for a skirting board ladder !.

 

On Quiet nights in we used to invite him over to make dodgy calls to random numbers with enquires like "Is Mr. Wall there please ?, no ok, how about Mrs Wall ?, no oh, are there any walls there ?, no ?. Well how does your roof stay on ???".

 

He was a classic because even if he got framed in mid sentence he was so stupid that he would just carry on.

For example..... We got him to phone up my uncle and say he was from the electricity board. The conversation should have went something like this....

Numb Nuts:

"Good evening sir, I'm sorry to disturb you. We have had a couple of complaints about power cuts in your area. Would you mind doing me a big favour and checking that your fridge is still running ?"

Random person:

"Erm, ok I'll go and check" - walks away from the phone and then comes back a short while later "Yes it's still running"

Numb Nuts:

"Well you better run after it then..."

 

Instead it went like this...

Numb Nuts:

"Hello, Sorry to bother you. We have had some complaints about power cuts in your area. Would you mind doing me a big favour and checking that your fridge is still running ?"

Random person:

"Erm, ok I'll go and check" - walks away from the phone and then comes back a short while later "No, It's not running any more"

Numb Nuts:

"Well you better run after it then...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHHA"

 

There is always a complete doughnut in every peer group. Everyone likes him just because he is a twat !!!!

 

LMFAOPMSLROFL:D:D:D Class:D;)

Originally posted by Ajay

That'll be one of AstraBoy's suggestions, then. :D

 

Yup :D

Hehe ... A favourite of mine comes from a stag weekend that I was on in Reading, last summer (in fact the same weekend as Billing :() ....

 

The stags were all outside the pubs in the centre of Reading (Old Orleans, I think) and the stag came wandering along with a ball-and-chain around his ankle, when ...

 

Two lovely young ladies come running out of the nearest restaurant and ask him "are you the convict?" .. it transpires that they've heard on the local radio that there's a competition to find the convict ... cash prices forthcoming ... hmmm, thinks he, opportunity for a wind up (evil sod) ...

 

Anyhow, one of the stags convinces the ladies that they're on the right track and says in order to qualify they need to fetch 50 catalogues from a "well known catalogue store", 'cos they're sponsoring the whole event .. amazingly, off they run ...

 

30 minutes later they return, laiden with 50 Argos catalogues :eek:, expectant of winning some dosh (we can't believe it) .. so, same evil sod says "you're on to a winner here girls" .. and convinces them that all they need to do to collect the grand prize is to make outfits out of the catalogues and turn up at 7 at Reading College, where the radio station will present the prize ... they look a little un-believing but nonetheless off they go ...

 

So, we're sat in another pub at about 6.45, wondering if, by some 100-1 chance they may have taken the bait, and send two of the stags (including the world's biggest liar) down to the college, armed with a disposable camera .... they report that there's two pissed-off looking lovelies, clad only in Argos catalogues, looking for a radio presenter!!! :D:D

 

Being a fairly supsicious chap, I decide this *has* to be a lie and bet the liar bloke 50 quid that it's all fabrication .... 1 week later at the wedding - during the best man's speech, I'm presented with a blown up photo of the girls, dressed in Argos catalogue ra-ra skirts and bra tops, and duly have to despense with 50 quid ....

 

I still can't believe *anyone* can be that gullable and fall for such lies from a bunch of half-cut blokes ... :D:D:D

 

Lovely stuff (apart from the 50 notes!! :()

 

CheerZ,

John.

One of the lads at work currently has a dead mackrell and a pint of milk sloshing around down inside the back of his tool chest.

 

Im sure he will notice it soon as the hot weather is coming :D

Paul

I feel quite bad about this one but you had to be there LOL

 

One day when I was about 16 me and my bro were a bit bored

of having to entertain our 12 year old younger cousin while she

was over for the day with our grandparents.

 

An ice cream van went past and we decided to have some disgraceful fun.

We asked her if she'd had one of those new ice lollies called a "penis"!

No she said, are they nice?

Oh yes we said, everyone loves 'em ;)

 

Go ask grandad if he's ever sucked on a penis and does he like it?! :D LOL

So she did and you can imagine he was NOT impressed!

Poor girl got a right clip round the ear and a severe telling off LMAO

 

 

This one's not quite a wind up but has to be told.

 

I went out with my brother on one of his works nights out with BT.

We had all had a fair few and were generally taking the piss and

checking out the girls who came into the bar.

 

In walked a huge woman who putting it politely was not attractive.

My brother turned to his boss laughing and said "F****** hell, that one's yours mate!"

 

"I know" he said, "That's my wife"

Things went a bit quiet!

She'd come to give him a lift home LMFAO

 

Things you should never say ;)

The guy must have had a sense of humour cos my bro still got promoted :D

 

Chris.

heres the full story:

 

we had a car in that wasnt running, yts boy is hanging around & asks whats up with it - "no spark". so my mate says "pop over the road & get some sparks". "ok" says young lad!!

 

so we phoned GKN to let them know he was coming over

once he got there they made him wait around for a while before asking him what he wanted " a some sparks please" he says.

 

"red, blue or green?" they ask. "erm, dont know"

 

so they send him back. "blue on this car" we tell him

 

off he goes & asks again

 

meanwhile, GKN have labled up some envelopes & hand him one with BLUE SPARKS written on it & tell him to walk very slowley as he could loose them out of the packet if he jogs them!!

 

so he walks back at about 0.5mph, we tell him to open it up & look inside.

 

which he does, then realises what a twat he's been :D :D :D

LOL :D

 

 

When I worked at a PC shop that we were decorating we sent the Saturday girl to the local hardware store to ask for a "Long wait" "Sky Hook" and "striped paint."

 

We got a phone call from her about 20mins later from the hardware store saying what colours did we want in our paint, we said black and white and a pot of polka dot.

"She phoned back and said the shop doesn't do striped paint.

WTF!!!

She still didn't get it ;)

 

She also phoned up later to say the shop only sold brass hooks, no sky hooks and they didn't have any long waits/weights!

 

She was so dumb, we laughed for the rest of the day :D:D

finding the water pump on an old Beetle was always a good one

 

as was finding the bonnet release on the little sooty vans - had my MOT helper looking for about 20 mins on that one once :D