Just asked someone something, and they said "How long's a piece of string??" and I couldnt answer.

 

So I thought I'd ask you guys, as your all very good at these things :D

Dave,

 

It's twice as long as it is from the end to the middle.........

 

;)

 

Matty.

Ask them to what pice of string they are talking about.

As long as you like

or as short as you like :D

do a search - 25m from B&Q IIRC :D

W: Aah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder.

 

S: String.

 

W: String, washing powder, what's the difference. We can sell *anything*.

 

S: Good. Well I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two thousand *miles* of it to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I advertised it--

 

W: Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there.

 

S: Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the hundred and twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it's not very useful.

 

W: Well, that's our selling point! "SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRINGETTES!"

 

S: What?

 

W: "THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!"

 

S: For what?

 

W: "A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!"

 

S: Such as?

 

W: Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attaching notes to pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests...

 

S: Destroying household pests?! How?

 

W: Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if they're smaller, you flog them to death with it!

 

S: Well *surely*! ...

 

W: "DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED, RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!"

 

S: 'Ospitals!?!?!?!!?

 

W: Have you ever been in a Hospital where they didn't have string?

 

S: No, but it's only *string*!

 

W: ONLY STRING?! It's everything! It's...it's waterproof!

 

S: No it isn't!

 

W: All right, it's water resistant then!

 

S: It isn't!

 

W: All right, it's water absorbent! It's...Super Absorbent String! "ABSORB WATER TODAY WITH SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL WATER ABSORB-A-TEX STRINGETTES! AWAY WITH FLOODS!"

 

S: You just said it was waterproof!

 

W: "AWAY WITH THE DULL DRUDGERY OF WORKADAY TIDAL WAVES! USE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL FLOOD PREVENTERS!"

 

S: You're mad!

 

W: Shut up, shut up, shut up! Sex, sex sex, must get sex into it. Wait, I see a television commercial - There's this nude woman in a bath holding a bit of your string. That's great, great, but we need a doctor, got to have a medical opinion. There's a nude woman in a bath with a doctor--that's too sexy. Put an archbishop there watching them, that'll take the curse off it. Now, we need children and animals. There's two kids admiring the string, and a dog admiring the archbishop who's blessing the string. Uhh...international flavor's missing...make the archbishop Greek Orthodox. Why not Archbishop Macarios? No, no, he's dead... never mind, we'll get his brother, it'll be cheaper... So, there's this nude woman...

I just found a bit of string in my desk drawer and that was 18.5cm.

 

HTH.

infinte

Andy, I thought I'd seen/heard every single Python sketch there was! Where did you find the string sketch? :eek: :confused:

Size doesn't matter - presume that applies to string :)

Look we are never all going to agree on the length of the string, and it'll only get moderated anyway......

 

:rofl:

 

Matty.

Look we are never all going to agree on the length of the string, and it'll only get moderated anyway......

 

:rofl:

 

Matty.

 

 

Thats a very cynical view Matty :rolleyes:

 

 

 

 

 

:tongue:

Andy, I thought I'd seen/heard every single Python sketch there was! Where did you find the string sketch? :eek: :confused:

I used to have a tape (hey kids, remember them? :D) of Monty Python sketches and songs that had that on. All I can remember is it had raw meat on the cover. Er...random! :D

 

Leigh.

I used to have a tape

Leigh.

 

if you still had it we could measure the string!

i measured my wifes g-string...seems very short...any good?

if you still had it we could measure the string!

Lol! :D

 

Actually, I can confirm that it's 3 hours 23 minutes and 15 seconds long :D

 

http://www.harbour.sfu.ca/~hayward/van/discography/string.html

192 yards is the length of string i think it falls into the same thing as barleycorns 1/3 "

i need to get out more

How long's a piece of string..........?

 

I thought Hau Long was a chinaman :tongue:

 

Richard :dance:

no that was Wan King

This one's even worse.....

 

A piece of string goes into a pub and says "A pint of lager please"

The barman replies "Are you a piece of string?"

"yes" the string replies

"Well we can't serve you in here" says the barman.

 

The string leaves and finds another pub down the road, he goes up to the bar and says "A pint of lager please"

"Are you a piece of string?" asks the barman

"Yes"

"Well I'm sorry but I don't serve string here"

After a few more rejections the string gets a bit pissed off, after all he just wants a pint. So he has an idea, he ruffles his hair a bit and goes into yet another pub.

"Pint of lager please, barman"

"Are you a bit of string?" replied the barman

"No" said the string......

 

 

 

"I'm a frayed knot !" :rolleyes: :dance:

 

Richard :tongue: