turbopsychosis

Come on now, less aboot macca,s one eyed trouser snake!!!! :rofl: :rofl:

Sprayed in "a oven"....what ???? i thought you painted em wiv a 4" brush!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Thats pretty fookin sick but i think they should have ended thet wiv something better than 1-800-veggie caus i felt a little chuckle come on when i saw that!!!

Dont know if these have been posted before but for those who havent.....ENJOY :p :p Darwin Awards...2005. Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners: 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honourable mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?) 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

Well this one needs a real man to sort her out not that chav she,s goin out wiv and he,s only their for the money and the "i shagged Charlotte" sun exclusive!! I,d happily tell er that sh*te of a song was the greatest thing since sliced bread "oh and can you buy me a lambo sweety" NOW GET URE KIT OFF :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I,d have that golf with the 2 engines in it goes like a fookin....well .... zed!!!!!

This bird is better than cracked lips jolie...if i was that superman kid i,d be up her like a ferrit up trouser in fact quicker heh heh!!!!! :smash: :smash:

I cant drink so i just act pissd all the time its great!!!!!!

wats a titwapduckf*ckmuck thingy

My misses knows i love me motor more than her!!!!!!! :x: :x: :eek: :cool:

"this one time at band camp i stuck a flute up my pussy.................... you should have erd im squeal !!!!!!" :tongue: :rofl: :rofl:

The exact same thing happened to me .......no it wasnt a fiesta and indianzx wasnt involved but the minute i left the sellers house it started to rain bearing in mind the fookin sun had been out all mornin i hoofed the go pedal a bit and bam arse end out. The next few days will either make you or break you buddy, almost every day for 2 weeks i did something potentially disasterous but i learned limitations thats for fookin sure!!!

No not that kind.....the ones you hook on a line wiv a round lead weight i was bout 6 and i,ll never forget, 3 in total i was well chuffed!

Caught crabs once! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

banged up in the cells for a night or 2 when i was a young bad boy but thats about it ........but their are a few ways i could think of to end up up in the nick wiv some of the coonts round my way

Time to call Clarkson and blow some zed smoke up his arse me thinks !!!!!!! G.S.X.R. :shock: :shock: :shock:

Just change ure name to Black Magic hey presto youre a post whore!! :tongue: :tongue: :tongue:

F.p.m.s.l. :rofl: :rofl: looks like he got a good shine on that door handle and i bet the exhaust is nice and shiney.............................................on the inside :rofl: :rofl:

POST WHORE ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ but we all knew that anyway!!!! :tongue: :tongue: :tongue: :tongue:

I totally agree Jock i,m quite happy to start a riot mate and stand up and protest ive had a fookin nuff but i dont see why my only two fookin options are to take it up the poop shoot AGAIN or should i say every day, or leave my home country!!! why has it come to this!!!

I,ve sed it before we are paying for the fookin olympics and speed cameras We sure as hell aint payin for decent roads, better lighting on motorways or little sh*ts to stop from raping, murdering, mugging, and being general tossers in society!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I,M SOOOOOOOOOOOOO FOOOKIN MAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Private Message Mac our illustrious leader

At the time the grifter WAS the bmx of the U.K. Only rich kiddies in the U.K. had a bmx in those days!!

Sounds like a good plan to pay yer £20 by the way how did you get on fixing that water leak and soooo fast?????

I think the one when i was 8 was called the "Chipper" it was a baby Chopper and when i got older i got a chopper, cant remember the colour of the chopper i think an orangey colour but the chipper was purple!! Not a chipper but a TOMAHAWK thats the very fella!!!