Daves_Zed

Stuart, I think you summed it up m8 "STUPID DUMB ***KS":slap: DAVE

Thank you Barry, that could be the answer. TBH I dint think that they would do that, but I have had bad reports about BlackIce, not that the stand-alone version has ever given me any problems, in fact i quite like it. As I said i only stopped using it b4 cus in wouldnt work with Norton, so i brought Norton Firewall. Now though, I'm not sure what to do, keep using BlackIce, try again with Norton, or try somthing new alltogether? DAVE

Right, this is a moan and a warning!! My pc was running fine, with Norton AntiVirus and Norton Firewall, untill i had to have the hard drive replaced recently. Upon re-installing both parts of Norton, the firewall wouldnt let me access most of the web, even when set up properly, one day it worked fine, then another it wouldnt. So I decided to uninstall the whole of Norton, and use my trusty AVG Antivirus and re-install BlackIce as my firewall, which I'd stopped using before because it conflicted with norton AntiVirus! Everything was fine, got the most up-to-date version of AVG, and then decided to see if I could update BlackIce, as this was only a free evaluation version. No problem, got on the site, downloaded the update, then went to install it. It asked me for a pass word if I'd purchased the update, as I hadnt I pressed the NO button to see what would happen. It continued to load the update, so I thought that it must just be a lesser version. On compleation it finished and that was it. A little while later I moved the messenger box across the screen, and it suddenly went larger than normal, but I couldnt re-size it? :confused: Then I couldnt open Internet Explorer! Then somthing else wouldnt open!! To cut a long process down, I eventually came to the conclusion that this BlackIce update must have done somthing, so opened up settings and tried to open Add/Remove progs,........nothing!!! Basically I was not in control of the pc at all :( In the end and after a few re-boots, my only course of action was to do a full re-install of the OS :cry: As it's only been a few weeks since the new hard drive was installed, I havent lost much stuff on it. But I'm more concerned that this has happened in the first place. So has ISS, the maker of BlackIce, deliberatley sent me a virus, on the understanding that I havent paid anything to them, so they'll Fvck my pc up. If so, is this leagal???? And if they havent, how the hell did it happen :confused: Your views and comments are more than welcome. Oh! And as I said, it was an evaluation copy, and not pirated software, so i beleive that makes it freeware. DAVE

Finally, the guys' side of the story. I must admit, it's pretty good I think you will find this interesting, But you know as well as I do things don't work like this!! We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are MEN's rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1". 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1.. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping. Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education!! :dance: :rofl: :rofl:

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. > The question: What do women really want? > Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. > He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, and the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch -- only she would know the answer. > The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. > Finally, the last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he had to accept her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most notable of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified: she was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises... etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden. > Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur thus: What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very uncomfortable. > The hour approached, Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight waited him! The most beautiful woman he had never seen lay before him! The astounded Gawain asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self half the time, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day, and during the night? What a cruel question! Gawain pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate moments? > > What would you do? > > (Pause awhile......read only after you have made up your own mind) > > Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. > > > > >What is the moral of this story? > > IF A WOMAN DOESN'T GET HER WAY, THINGS GET UGLY :rofl: :D

Hi guys, Yes I'm very interested in this, as it's in my own county as well :D As I've just sold my house this week, I will av a gleaming ZX b4 the end of the year and will defo attend. (At bloody last) This'll be a great opertunity, for me, to meet all the peeps on here. Roll-on March :dance: Dave :cool:

Hiya all,:) I aint been on-line for over a week, due to my own pc going 'Tits-Up' :cry: , should have it back early next week with a new hard drive. Well one of the first things i'll do when I get back on-line is install SpyBot search and Destroy, I had it before and it is a very good prog, I also had AdAware, but found that SpyBot found a lot more crap, so I wont be installing Adaware again. Don't get me wrong, its a very good program, and I do recomend it, but IMHO I find SpyBot better. Just thought I'd say that :p Dave And incase any1 was thinking how the hell is he writing this as he aint had a pc all week, well I've just got back to work today, and I'm hacked-off cus i've been on leave for two bloody weeks without my pc :mad:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died." St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartement when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...." :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :D :D DAVE

Liam Gallagher is sitting in a restaurant when he sees "Oasis Soup" on the menu so he asks the waiter for some. The waiter brings back the soup and after tasing it Liam says, "Oi, this tastes like tomato soup to me, why did you call it Oasis soup?" The waiter replies, "Well, you've got a roll with it" Just as God was about finished creating the universe, he had two things left in his bag of creations so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve.He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to pee standing up, "It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, "I wondered if either of you would like this ability?"Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing that a man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability, it'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please....."On and on he went. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly then he should be the one to have it. It seemed the sort of thing that would make him happy and she really wouldn't mind if Adam was given the gift.And so Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his misdirection whilst in a vertical position. And so, he was happy and did celebrate by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good."Fine" God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts, "What's left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms..................." :rofl: :rofl: :dance: :D :D DAVE

Two elderly women meet at the launderette after not seeing each other for a while. One asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last month. He went out into the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, he had a massive heart attack and died right there in the vegetable patch" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend, "What did you do?" "I opened a tin of peas instead" Two married pals are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His mate looks at him and says, "Well you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech up into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the stairs, throw my shoes into the cupboard, jump into bed, rub my cold hands on my wife's warm arse and say, "How about a blowjob?"..... ..and she's ALWAYS sound asleep!" God called Noah one day and said, "Noah, I need you to build another ark" "What like the last one?" says Noah. "Err, no... I need this one to have six storeys" says God. "So do you want me to lead all the animals two by two into the ark again?" asks Noah. "No," says God, "I want you to just take fish onboard" "Ok," says Noah, "What kind of fish?" "Just carp" says God. Puzzled, Noah asks, "Why just carp?" . . . . . God replies... . . . . . . ..."Because I've always wanted my very own multi -storey carp ark" :rofl: :dance: Dave

Reality tips for modern women! Delia's Tips for your kitchen Delia's Way 1 Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. The Real Women's Way Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, _for God's sake. You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. ****************************************** Delia's Way 2 To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes. _ The Real Women's Way Buy Smash mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. ****************************************** Delia's Way 3 When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking tin, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of _the cake. The Real Women's Way Sainsbury's _sell cakes. They even do decorated versions. ***************************************************** Delia's Way 4 If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a potato slice. The Real Women's Way If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's tough sh*t. _Please recite with me the Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes." ************************************************ Delia's Way 5 Wrap celery in aluminium foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks. The Real Women's Way It could keep forever. Who eats it? *********************************************** Delia's Way 6 Brush some beaten egg white over piecrust before baking to yield beautiful glossy finish. The Real Women's Way Sainsbury's frozen pie directions do not include brushing any egg white over the crust so I don't do that. ******************************************** Delia's Way 7 Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away. The Real Women's Way Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and drop it in 8 ounces of tequila. Drink the tequila. You might still have the headache, but who gives a sh*t? ************************************************ Delia's Way 8 If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy. The Real Women's Way What's the point of blokes then? ***************************************************** And finally the most important tip - Delia's Way 9 Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. The Real Women's Way Left over wine???? Hello!!!!! :D Dave it's amazing wot i get sent!!!!

I've seen these white vans for well over a year now in the lincolnshire and leicestershire areas. They are normally in NEW speed camera areas about a week or two after they put up new signs. One in particular is on my way to and from work, its on a main road, in the middle of nowhere, and in the past four years i've been travelling the road I've only seen two accidents on this stretch of road.......so why bother and waste tax payers money??:mad: It's a straight road!!!!!!!!!!:confused: And a good overtaking place, to get past those 50mph coffin-dodgers:D Dave

MAC, are you, by any chance, on AOL? Cus if you are then that is the problem, it was a tech fault between AOL and MSN. For well over 40 hours you couldnt log onto MSN, this I found out when i contacted AOL, they were very nice about it but said that they were working on it :( As I'm sure your awere now, it's all back to normal :D Just thought I'd say that :D Dave

Hiya guys, for anyone interested, MSN is totally fooked tonite. Messenger aint working, and neither is .net sign in, apparentley msn is down completeley. If you try to go through the american site you just get a blank screen!! You can access some uk stuff but not chat/people etc. So there you go guys, knacked as usuall. :D Dave

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her 8 children are able to_ fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the_ blind man and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end_ of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!" The blind man replies, "If you would have put a rubber on the end of YOUR__ stick, we'd be sitting in the bus right now, so shut the f*ck up... !! :D :D Dave

It does..........That's why he's run out of paper :D :D :D Dave :D

Stuart, I see that you've got Ad-Aware installed, well so av I, and it's a great little Free prog that works. Well someone at work put me onto another Free prog called 'Spy-Bot - search and destroy'. This is similar to Ad-Aware, but much better, as you can imunise certain attackers, that the prog will then recognise next time they attempt to latch-on to your pc. I ran mine for the first time when I installed it and, although I'd run Ad-Aware only the day before, it found 97 trackers and other stuff that you don't want on your pc!!!!!!! :eek: This is stuff that Ad-Aware didnt find. The prog takes about 6 to 8 mins to run a full system check, once youve downloaded the Free update, or 4 mins with out the update. I found this prog available froma site called http://www.tudogs.com , all you need to be on this site is a valid e-mail addy. Then they send you an e-mail about once a week telling you about other Free progs for all sorts of stuff, if you dont want to receive this stuff just tell them, it's as simple as that! :D Anyway, I hope this may be of use to yourself and others on here. Dave

That'll be the roof then James :D :D Dave :p

The only problem with SKY's 'Paper View', is a Pop-Up Stopper launching itself, you know the one, with the female voice ;) Now if your printer is one of those real big buggers, is there a secret compartment underneath it, that resembles a 'Door'??? If there is, then there may be a reserve of 'Paper' contained within this 'secret' compartment. I know it's a long shot, but I thought it's worth a try.;) Dave ps; please let me know how you get on, as my printer is starting to show signs of running out of paper as well!!!:rolleyes: :confused:

Thank you very much guys. All your help is very much appreciated. Although some of it was while I was sorting it out when I got home :D Right here goes part two :p , I got home and booted up, and it took about 2 mins again to come up with the log-on screen, along with the strange noises again. Waited for everything to calm down, then started a De-Frag. Came back about ten mins later and it had only performed 1% :confused: of the De-Frag. Now I'm not a paitent man :D , so I stopped it, cus it would have taken all night at that rate. Then I re-booted the pc, and ....................................... It's alright now :confused: , no noises, scratching, and no waiting. It's performing like it's suposed to!!! ;) So, again, thanks Dave :D

Thanks Andy, I'll do that :D Then wait for mi comp to go 'Ti**-Up' :mad: Dave

Thanks guys, I'll try the scandisk, as I dont wana open it up at the mo as it's stilled sealed, cus it's under gurantee, and dont wana call out the engineer and find out its something i could do, so he charges me for it :mad: . I'll do the de-frag as well and see if both of them help. Cheers, once again :cool: Dave I knew I'd find some cleaver persons on here who could help. :D

OK, hear goes, Last nite, while on the internet, i could hear noises coming from the pc. It was similar to the sort of noise you hear when the hard drive is looking for stuf, but it was a lot more scratchy, as if it had grit in it!! Also this morning it was very slow at start-up, taking about 2 mins before my log-on screen came up :confused: When it finally sorted itself out, I could hear this noise again along with a noise that sounded like it was switching a relay off. Similar to when you lose your internet conection, but I wasnt on the net at the time. Right, before you ask, yes I have the latest worm patch and ive performed the search on my pc for it as well, so it aint that. I'm at work at the mo, so will see how it goes when I log-on tonight. Unless any of you clever chappies can diagnose it from this discription. Oh and i haven't performed a 'de-frag' recentley, so will do one of them later as well. If it makes any difference i'm running the following; 1.8ghz processor 256 ram 60ghz hard drive Windows XP AOL 8 (isp) Norton Anti-Virus and Firewall Pop-Up Stopper and cleaner AdAware and some other bits-and-bobs, but not much. Please help..................or is it fooked :mad: Dave

I would have been quicker, had I not had to phone my 18 year old neice up to get the answer :D Dave

HearSay !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dave