Two blondes were working for the council. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind and fill the hole.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one blonde digging a hole, the other blonde filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again ?"
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick."
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A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it !!! "
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next !"
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A blonde lady motorist was two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego ? "
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift ?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken
to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo
for me ? I'll give you fifty dollars for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified !
There was the blonde walking down the street holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd. With a screech of brakes, he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
"What the heck are you doing here ?" he demanded. "I gave you fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, "but we had money left over so we went to the movies."
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Blonde enters a store that sell curtains.
She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed her several patterns, but the blond seemed to be having a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains she needed.
The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches ?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for ?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.
The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have curtains !"
Blondie says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows !"
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Two blondes were doing some carpentry work on a house.
Becky who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away ?"
Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective ! They're for the other side of the house !"
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One blonde in Brisbane asks another :
"Which is further, Melbourne or the Moon ?"
The other replies :
"HELLOOOOO, can you see Melbourne from here ???"
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Last year a blonde replaced all the windows in her house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. This week she got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and she hadn't paid for them.
She replied "Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. The salesman told me that in one year the windows would pay for themselves !!"
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A blonde walked into a gas station and told the manager, "I've locked my keys in my car and I was wondering if you had a coat hanger I could stick through the window and unlock the door."
"Why, sure," said the manager, "We have something that works especially for that."
A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing. He heard another voice.
"No, no, a little to the left," said the other blonde sitting inside the car.
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Bishops Itchington (map) 11.5 miles Willey (map) 13.4 miles Titty Ho (map) 26.9 miles Foul End (map) 27.6 miles Grimpits Lane (map) 32.9 miles Dogpool Lane (map) 33.5 miles Pestilence Lane (map) 33.7 miles Feckenham (map) 34.6 miles Butthole Lane (map) 35.0 miles Crotch Crescent (map) 35.3 miles They forgot Long Itchington and Snorscome Oh and Si you are disturbed