Some sound advice!!!!

 

Dear Girls,

 

For too long we men have been divided and conquered in the name of equality, feminism and a host of other bobbins. No more! The man fights back!!

 

Tell your friends, the 90's man is dead.... Long live the Man of 2002.

 

Listen up ladies, below is how it REALLY is.....

 

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your arse down a gym.

 

2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put the bloody thing down.

 

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes unnecessary arguments when we dare to comment on it.

 

4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present ...AGAIN!!.

 

5. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

 

6. Saturday = Football. Let it be.

 

7. Shopping is not a sport.

 

8. Anything you wear is fine. Really !!!.

 

9. Ask for what you want directly. Subtle hints don't work.

 

10. Face it, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

 

11. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, so what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with that particular dress?

 

12. 'Yes', 'No' and 'Mmm' are perfectly acceptable answers.

 

13. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

 

14. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.

 

15. Check your oil. It is an essential part of car maintenance.

 

16. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

 

17. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in a subsequent argument.

 

18. It's not the dress that makes you look fat. It's all that bloody chocolate you eat!!

 

19. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you sound jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading them.

 

20. The male models with great bodies you see in magazines are all gay.

 

21. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of these ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

 

22. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we rate how pretty you are?

 

23. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercial breaks.

 

24. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and definitely does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.

 

25. If you want some dessert after a meal - have some. You don't HAVE to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/ shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.

 

26. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.

 

27. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit food as well.

 

28. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, warm beer and cold lager. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in acceptable quantities - everything else falls under the

category 'garnish'.

 

29. Do not question our sense of direction.

 

If you can learn the above, then man and woman can co-exist on a level based on love and mutual respect.

 

The ball's in your court.

 

Sincerely,

 

The Lads

 

 

------------------

Every one is 100% true

There's also this one :

 

30 : Nodding and looking at your watch is a perfectly acceptable response to her saying "I Love You".

 

[This message has been edited by Ajay (edited 27-03-2002).]

Nice one !!

 

I actually like shopping though, as long as its for car stuff, or beer....

well glad somebody else has seen the light, or was it the wife with a torch bringing me more work in the dark tunnel!(thats the light at the end of the tunnel 4 those who dont understand and if you still dont, forget i even mentiond lights)

ROFL!!! Andy, i guess lyndsay didnt help you write that!!

 

LUKE DUKESTER

ROFL,

 

Oh dear, does Lyn have internet access?

 

Divorce and they're not married yet lol

 

Tim

 

PS, Don't tell Ali but spot on m8ty

Wifie still makes me breakie in bed after 8 yrs and 4yrs of wed lock, and now has learned to hide behind the door when waking me, also got a BJ all the way down the A14 from M6 to A1 in the car, F1 day, the tv is mine!!

When ya meet her on sat at the meet, ask her if she enjoyed the fast food on the A14 and watch her blush

double post doh..

 

[This message has been edited by stuie.buckminster (edited 28-03-2002).]

Originally posted by stuie.buckminster:

Wifie still makes me breakie in bed after 8 yrs and 4yrs of wed lock, and now has learned to hide behind the door when waking me, also got a BJ all the way down the A14 from M6 to A1 in the car, F1 day, the tv is mine!!

When ya meet her on sat at the meet, ask her if she enjoyed the fast food on the A14 and watch her blush

 

 

Stuie, do you rent the wife out too? BJ and brekkie in bed sounds good. Does she vaccuum the house and do the dishes afterwards?

 

Just gonna leave my cave now and hunt me some buffalo

 

 

 

------------------

oh dear do you realise you've opened the floodgates for all the pervs like me now

I do, but she tends to come with a 19month old lil monster these days plus she is blonde and a beauty therapist, (A bit slow) one time (in band camp ) she got the chips out of the oven, I said to her "can you salt the chips love" so she puts half of the chips on one side of the tray and half on the other?? bless her..

 

 

[This message has been edited by stuie.buckminster (edited 28-03-2002).]

Have you got a picture of the top of her head? I wanna see what she looks like in position

 

 

------------------