Some old, some new, still all good :D

 

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train

stops. On my desk, I have a workstation.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

So what's the speed of dark?

How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear

bright until you hear them speak?

Everywhere is walking distance, if you have the time.

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I

ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

I try to daydream, but my mind keeps wandering.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

There aren't enough days in the weekend.

What exactly do batteries run on ?

I have a microwave fireplace. I laid in front of it for the evening in 7 minutes.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I remember when the candle shop burned down and everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and... oohh, that's much better.

I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.

I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything

specific.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room

temperature.

I once bought a humidifier and a de-humidifier, put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

 

Pete

Steven Wright ?

Originally posted by AndyP

Steven Wright ?

 

Yup ;)

Who?

 

Originally posted by pete shrimp

Yup ;)