Let me just set the scene here, Max Power interviewed this little excuse of a person. What follows is the exact article...

 

ENJOY! Comments appreciated afterwards...

 

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THESE HANDS BELONG TO A CAR-THIEVING PRICK. THEY CAN NICK A CAR IN 15 SECONDS. HE FEELS NO REMORSE, AND HE'LL PROBABLY RE-OFFEND WHEN HE'S OUT. WANT TO KILL HIM YET? READ THIS…

 

THERE'S ONLY A DICTAPHONE AND 20 Marlboro Lights between me and a car thief. It's hard not to judge Gregory before I've even said a word to him - he's a convicted TWOCer (Taken Without Owner's Consent), enemy of every true Maxhead.

 

Scrawney, ginger and slightly boss-eyed, Gregory sits calmly in the interview room inside a Young Offender's Institute. I shake his hand, but as a gesture to all fans of modified motors, I made sure I had a dump without washing my hands before taking a firm grasp of Gregory's clammy right palm.

 

He'd written to Max 'defending' TWOCing and, when challenged, was willing to offer an insight into the minds of the most hated scum in Planet Max…

 

How many cars do you reckon you've stolen then?

 

Can't count. Fuckin' nuff - been TWOCin' since I was 14, innit. I'm 20 now. Probably a coupla' thousand, easy. I started TWOCin' from centre of town or whatever, then I went on to dwellings - getting' cars from burglin' houses 'n' shit, either on me own or in a group.

 

What's your preferred method of entry into a car?

 

Through the window with a screwdriver.

 

How quickly can you break into a car and nick it?

 

New-shape Escorts are the easiest. Barrel the door lock open, steering lock snaps easy as fuck and you're away.

 

Ever been caught by the owners?

 

I've only been caught by the owners - never by the police.

 

How come you're in here, then?

 

Fuckin' fingerprints. I 'ad to jump out after I crashed this car.

 

You wrote to Max saying: 'Mans like us wanna get a buzz, just like your readers. So what if we do it in someone else's car?' But how can you justify TWOCing?

 

I don't try and justify it. People go on about how TWOCers are little bastards, but it's not right. At the end of the day, the owners are flyin' about in their cars doin' illegal things too.

 

Not all drivers break the law. Anyway, it doesn't make TWOCing right.

 

(Pauses) I don't like to justify it. It's just something to do, innit? I've been brought up in an area where there's fuck-all to do. TWOCin's just something to do.

 

Can't you find something better to do?

 

That's what I mean, there is nothing to do. TWOCin' just seems like the natural thing, know what I mean?

 

Well no. A lot of people come from depressed areas and don't have jobs, but they don't all spend their time nicking other people's cars, do they?

 

No, but if they 'ad the experiences that I've 'ad, they would. I've gotta say, I've 'ad a lot of fun doin' it. It's like a drug.

 

Do you feel any remorse?

 

Nah, man. That's what insurance companies are there for, innit?

 

How would you feel if I came and nicked your car, then?

 

Well, I'd take the law into me own 'ands.

 

Bit hypocritical?

 

Yeah, but I'd expect someone to do it to me, and it has happened to me.

 

You also said in your letter that 'joyriders are better drivers'. Aren't joyriders always crashing?

 

Well, my crash was driver error, I admit that. I was just goin' crazy, brewed-up, doin' about 80mph, came up to this island and went into this woman's car.

 

Did you injure anyone?

 

Yeah, I gave 'er a bit of whiplash. That's what they said, anyway, but she still got out and chased us.

 

Don't you feel any guilt that you've injured someone?

 

Nah, fuck it. I know it was my fault, but… (pauses) I'm lost for words really…

 

How does it feel to be hated?

 

I like it, me. I've always been an attention seeker, an' that's one reason you do TWOCin'. You're givin' everyone a show in a car an' they're lovin' it, 'cos they can't do them things. You buzz off it.

 

What're the most popular cars to nick?

 

(Pauses) Things like RS2000s, GSis - they're the cars people go for.

 

Do Clifford stickers or flashing red lights put you off stealing a car?

 

Sometimes, but I don't care what sticker it's got on it, I'll 'ave a look, pass it a couple o' times. If it looks like it belongs to some daft couple or some young rich kid, I'll do a creepers on it while they're asleep.

 

Has being inside deterred you?

 

Well, it's stopped me 'cos I'm inside an' I can't nick no cars. When I get out, I suppose I'll take it easy an' I won't thief no cars. But at the end of the day, when it comes to it (pauses) …

 

What's it like in prison?

 

It's like a fuckin' holiday camp, I'm tellin' ya. I work outside of the jail in the day, doin' stuff in a graveyard.

 

Have you dug your own grave for when you get out?

 

(Laughs) Nah. We just fuck about. Don't do no heavy work, really, just shit jobs. At night, you just come back 'ere an' watch telly, fuck about, really. Play pool, chill out.

 

You're in a Young Offenders Institute. Ever been in a 'proper prison'?

 

Yeah, I went to one for five months. It's always the most difficult in you first week, innit? After a while you just adapt to your surroundings. It was full of fuckin' 'ard bastards, but it's a jail. You learn to get on with them people.

 

Were you scared when you went there?

 

I was when I first got sent down. I was 15.

 

Did you get picked on?

 

Not really. When you go in there you just adapt to people within your own area, and there's always a lot of people from Nottingham in jail.

 

You say it's easy in the Young Offender's Institute. If you'd been in some hardcore prison, kicked shitless and butt-fucked in the shower, would that have deterred you?

 

It might've, yeah. But as soon as you're outta there, things change. Anything bad that's happened to you just goes to the back of your mind, dunnit?

 

Your punishment is bollocks, isn't it? You've nicked loads of cars and now you're playing pool and having a laugh. You must be pissing yourself?

 

(Pauses) I suppose so, but I'm not gonna write to the MP and change it, am I?

 

Do you regret that loads of other blokes your age are cruising about with tasty birds and you're in here?

 

Course it pisses me off, but that's given me the motivation in the first place. I've seen people drivin' around in them cars and thought: ' Why can't I have them?' I've 'ad shit jobs, but they ain't gonna pay for no phat car. The only way you get anywhere is if you take things, innit?

 

Do you have to wank a lot?

 

(Embarrassed) Ah shit! (Pauses) Of course.

 

Are your parents proud of you?

 

Not really, they're not too pleased. They're beyond bollocking me, you know what I mean? They just let me get on with it. They gave up a long time ago.

 

What would you like people to know about you?

 

(Pauses) That's a tricky one. I'd like them to know that I'm not that bad really, I'm just lookin' at 'avin' a good time outta life. You only live once. I live for today.

 

Where will you be in five years' time?

 

Er, on your side of the table? I don't know, maybe getting into car security. I'd like the opportunity to do that.

 

Would that be enough to make you give up TWOCing?

 

Yeah, cool.

 

How can people deter TWOCers?

 

I don't wanna say. It wouldn't make me too popular with my own kind, would it?

 

Neither would a career in car security?

 

(Silence)

 

Have you ever been involved in stealing cars to order?

 

Yeah (pauses) … but the money's shit. It's enough to tide you over, but only if you're out nicking fuckin' Imprezas all day.

 

Are Imprezas easy to steal?

 

Nah, they're a bit tricky - but they're still TWOCable. Anything's TWOCable.

 

What's the fastest you've ever been?

 

It must be about 150mph, easy.

 

What do you think of at 150mph?

 

I only do it to see what I can get outta the car, push it to the limit. It's just a mad buzz. I like corners, goin' on estates, getting' a bit of a chase.

 

Have you ever outrun the police?

 

Oh yeah, I've outrun a few cars. Just take 'em on a nice little estate that I know, take 'em down a few ninja routes.

 

What's a 'ninja route', for God's sake?

 

You know, it's when you get to the end of a dead-end road and it goes into pedestrian - down by flats 'n' that. The 'Feds' don't wanna go down there.

 

Who's your hero?

 

(Pauses) I ain't really got no heroes. I like the rally drivers, I like to see them at it. I'd like a go at that shit. I reckon I'd do OK.

 

As long as you weren't 'brewed-up' like you were when you had your accident?

 

Fuck it, I drive better with a few cans of Stella down me. Believe. You push yourself more. You're invincible.

 

But it would be a bit of a nightmare if everyone was driving about pissed on Stella. Drink-driving's just shit, isn't it?

 

I suppose.

 

One bloke wrote into Max Power saying: 'TWOCers are the lowest scum and their shitty antics should never be reported in Max's hallowed pages.' Discuss that…

 

He's got his point, but he's goin' a bit far, you know what I mean? At the end of the day we're not scum - we're still people.

 

End of interview…

 

Tim

;-)

 

1991 UK 300ZX TT Auto. Current Status: M.I.A.

1987 Mercedes 190E 2.3-16v Cosworth Auto. Current Status: Operational

 

Angry. Disillusioned. Deflated. It's difficult to describe the feelings from talking to someone with such staggering ignorance. But those last words keep rewinding themselves in my head: 'We're not scum - we're all people.' Technically, yes, but anyone who's got such a head-up-arse disregard for other people doesn't deserve to be treated like one.

 

Next time you bend down for the soap in the shower, Gregory, maybe you'll know how it feels to have something of yours totally buggered without permission…

 

Full Copyright to Max Power Magazine…before anyone thinks about doing the legal!

 

 

The bonnet of your beloved Z up.

The VeeSix throbbing and the Turbos gently idling.

A foursome of hollow fucking TWOC'ers hands resting on the slam-panel.

Handbrake on.

Rev to redline.

Release the bonnet prop.

Slam.

TWOCers scream nearly as loud as your beautiful engine as their wrists are smashed beyond repair.

Justice.

Fuck em.

 

Glen.

 

Nice one GeeZer, my thoughts exactly, I've read that article twice more this week. Sends shivers down my spine, these little f**kers get away with it, DISGUSTING!!! And when he says "that's what insurance companies are there for..."...

 

If I could ever get my hands on...

 

Tim

;-|

 

1991 UK 300ZX TT Auto. Current Status: M.I.A.

1987 Mercedes 190E 2.3-16v Cosworth Auto. Current Status: Operational

 

hmmmm where i come fron they have different ways of dealing wiht people like this...

 

and i quote frona copper i spoke to once

"if you shoot them there is less paperwork to do " lol

 

F**kers, 'ang 'im up by the balls would be nice, INNIT!!!

 

CD

 

 

He said that he expects people to take the law into thier own hands if they caught him. He would then go crying to the Police and have you done for assault.

By the way you are allowed to hit a person once if you find then trying to nick your car. SO MAKE IT A GOOD ONE.

 

Little shit, I would cut his f**kin' bollocks off! Little bastard, doesn't deserve to be roaming the planet....IMHO!

 

[-0

 

 

 

Notice how he is from nottingham - I ever see the little punk crossing the street - i aint even thinkin about touching the brake !

 

Z ya

Nico91TT

 

hey Nico,

 

isn't that typical Notts driving behaviour?

 

;)

 

Hey Nico:)

Where in Notts areU?

Im in Grantham (yakkk:(]...

If you here of any1 wanting to part with a ZTT Manual for around 7K gimme a shout dude:)

!!

Glen.

 

 

Glen,

 

There is a garage in Plumtree called charlesworths. They had two sorted 300s in around that price and there service and after sales support is excellent see the post by Simon "sorted rice burner -wanted" i posted more info in there - shoot us a mail if you want me to take a look at one with ya.

 

Z ya

 

Nico91tt

 

 

I reckon 2 hours alone with them in a room with the following implements :

 

cross bow

blunt knife

cheese grater

mallett

pins

a charcoal burner

and

no surgical experience whatsoever

 

would do the trick.

 

Failing that, castrate the bar-stewards, tattoo "I'm a TWOCing Pr1ck" across their foreheads and then remove the right hand would just about start the correct punishment procedure.