My wife has been really upset for about two months now. Cut a long story short she has a horse that she loves to bits (probably more than me!) and it went lame a few months back. After two grand on vets bills it is still no better and she just sits in doors like a zombie and crys every night. It seemed to get better for a bit but has got worse again. Tonight I come home and she has puffed up eyes and has been crying again for hours.

 

I have tried to take her away, get her out the house, and just cheer her up. Nothing is working. Selfishly I am absolutely hating things at home as I dont know what more I can do and its making me depressed now seeing her this way. Im sick of things being like this and feel helpless..

 

I struggle to be that symperthetic, but she is very close to it.

 

Any ideas?

First reaction: Time to put the horse down, put it out of it's misery and let your wife move on. Understandable that she's upset but it will just drag on and on like this.

She wont go for that one m8, I think its kind of keep it in a field somewhere for another 15 years. So that is not an option, I think that because we dont have children and we are mid 30s that its like having a sick child for her or something?.

i can go with this one, i had a mare that could never be ridden and we kept her as a pet until we had no choice but to make the decision to have her put to sleep, is there no other horse she could ride? maybe get a loan (a horse one not money).

 

shame you werent so far away, i'd suggest she come ride smirn, he could do with the exercise.

 

and we do see out horses as one of our kids, well i do anyway

I offered to buy her another one and she just says she wants her one better and bursts into tears again for hours.

 

What was up with yours?

try a different vets

we kept her in a field next to a football ground that also had a cab office attached to it and they threw thick cable over the fence and she got it wrapped around her leg, it severed her tendons and it was only that she had a foal at foot that the vets operated on her (which they didnt do a very good job of).

 

it heeled but the tendons knitted together so she could never be ridden and she got fatter even when we strip grazed her she still held the weight, she then got really bad laminitis and the vets advised us it was kinda to put her to sleep than keep her alive.

 

nothing wrong with smirnoff altho he can be a grumpy git but if she ever fancies a day trip this way she's welcome to come ride him.

 

what tests have the vets done to her horse?

I am thinking of getting a second opinion so will see if I can get another vet. It has had an MRI and xray and nothing shows. TBH I dont think this crappy weather helps as you end up stuck in bored and depressed.

If she's really that affected, try and persuade her to talk to a counsellor.

All I can say is make sure that the horse isn't just the catalyst that has caused other things to surface.

 

A counsellor is the way forward, we can all usually handle one or two problems that come up. It's when they happen at the wrong time when things start to unravel

blooming 'ell £2k and still no better i'd be back to the vet asking what they've spent the money on and that you're not happy that there was no improvement.

some good reading on here http://www.laminitis.org/laminitis.html

we got horse & pony and we stick £1k aside for bills if its more than that then its put to sleep, most of the riding & livery stables we know operate the same way, its by far cheaper than insuring with pet plan etc most owners of large numbers of horses we spoke to said when they had spent over £1k most of the horses never really recovered 100% anyway

racehorses are a different thing altogether so i'm just referring to 'hobbies' here

my mate has just had her horse put to sleep after spending 5k on vet bills to discover there was nothing that could be done for the mare anyway.

 

it all depends on how attached you are to the animal and if your in a position to pay x amount on vet bills wether insured or not.

Hi,

Firstly, you have my deepest empathy……..

My wife also has a horse, which she has owned now for over 6 year. It has been through a number of problems (like lost of horses do) and been close to being put down once. I would estimate that she has been able to ride it for about half the time she has owned it (yes, and she dose see it as part of the family… and I shouldn’t call her it).

 

Now I don’t know you or your wife well enough to really comment on what you should do but from my personal experiences I would say:

 

Would I be correct in saying that you are both are very deep into your individual hobbies, i.e. you into your Z, with both time and money and your wife into her horse in the same way?

Time apart in a relationship is a good thing but too much isn’t, both of you need (healthy) attention from the other… Now if one person in the relationship has a major problem (as it’s obvious she has) then you both do and unfortunately that will also mean a pause in your hobby to help her fix her’s.

If you can show her that you are sharing her grief and helping in a resolution (even if it’s not exactly the one she wants) it may help her in coming to terms with it…. Unfortunately there is no time limit on these things…..

 

As it’s already been mentioned a lame house doesn’t mean a dead horse, it would still make an excellent companion for another horse and many people would be happy to have it as that.

 

So in my opinion, love and compassion are a massive help in any problem…. Of course this is only my opinion….

 

The best of luck to both of you.

Don't let her deal with it on her own, sound like she needs your support big time. As soon as she can see that you are there for her, things will start to get better.

All the best.

Go on horsey forums there have got to be loads of people in this situation surely some of them could offer some helpful pieces of advice.