indian_zx

WELCOME TO AIR ????! XPRESS Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain smith (Boniface) Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Air ??? We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 717 to tokyo. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in karachi And, if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village! Air ??? has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary beer and vodka For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Emirates Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark! Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase." ENJOY AIR ???

>A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. >This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very >nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. > >The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her >nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making >her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve >herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. > >It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.. Before she >even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over >at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a >rather stern voice, "Skippy!". > >The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her >face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain >again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and >longer rrrrrip. > >The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!". Once >again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman >had to >let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a >fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing. > >Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, >"Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!" > >Send this to someone who needs a laugh. >

A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two as*es come together. I come once-a-more! Two as*es, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed s*x obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about our s*x lives. "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta s*x? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how -

sorry if the above post offends :)

Wheely Bin Can't Post -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheely bins and emptying them into his dustcart lorry. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back but still can't see it so he knocks on the door. There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke answers... "Harro", says the chap. "Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman "I bin on toilet" replies the Japanese bloke, looking perplexed. Realising the Japanese fellow has misunderstood, the bin man smiles and says "No mate, where's ya dust bin?" "I dust bin on toilet I told you" says the Japanese man "Mate" says the dustman... "you're misunderstanding me... Where's your Wheely Bin?" "OK" "OK" , says the Jap, "I wheely bin having w*nk"

hows your day my friends, hope your all doing fine.

hello everone

lol

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream. So I picked up the frog and it said "Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes." So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, "You now have 3 wishes." I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What will be your second wish?" I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!" Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

i would like around no less than 30mpg isnt the 535 a v8? sounds juicy how many miles does it do with 10 pounds?

have any of you guys got it? whats the best for fuel economy and getting performance is the 530 good? my budget is about 1600 then.

thanks rob.

The munson family have been growing sunflowers. Matty’s sunflower is 8cm more than 2 thirds as tall as pats which is 86cm longer than a third of double The height of nigels bloom. If the average height of the plant is 156cm how tall is mattys flower> What is the next number in the series? 3,16,107,744 show me how you worked it out.

can someone please check if my names on their my computer isnt alowing me cheers

a definate scam. car is on ebay now Thank you for email. The car is still available and I'm trying to sell it as low as I can to close this sale. I'm in Budapest, Hungary and the car is shipped from here. I've made the auction for UK because it's a UK car with full UK specs (right-hand drive). You will receive the original invoice, the log book, all 3 keys and the registration documents to transfer the car in your name. It meets UK Customs policy and there are no hidden costs involved. You won't have to pay any import taxes because it's a UK car, not an import. If the car is not as described, I offer a full refund upon the return of the car (return shipping at my expense). The final price for 2002 BMW 325ci Sport Cabriolet is £4,200 and this price includes the shipping to your home. Please reply to let me know if you are interested to buy this car. Kind regards, Peter Specs: 2002 BMW 325ci Sport Cabriolet 2.5 - 2,495 cc L6 Petrol Engine, Reg Oct 2002, 25,000 Miles, Silver Metallic, Alarm, ABS, Central Locking, Cruise Control, Electric roof, Electric Windows, Full Leather Interior, Headlamp Wash/Wipe, Memory seats, PDC, Rear Headrest, Traction Control System, 1 owner, Alloy Wheels, Auto Dimming Mirror, Climate Control, Electric Mirrors, Electric Seats, Front Armrest, Full Service History, Immobiliser, Power Steering, Stereo, Twin airbags.

answer is 23 hehe

In a week Ollie received a total 115 E-mails each day receiving 4 more than the day before how many e-mails did he receive on Wednesday??

nice one bantum lol

Two beds are both reduced in price by 20 percent, leaving them a £144 price difference between them. If the pre-reduction price difference was a quarter of the price of the more expensive bed, what was the original cost of the cheaper bed?

yep done that. ages ago. 2 weeks ago.

i want to go and see mamma mia in london how much are the tickets ive seen prices around 60 pounds per ticket this is madness.

i hope things get better for you soon mate.

hi mate i havent received one yet.

i wonder how the black one wud look without the spoiler?

i went to see this film and i thought it was shit. i know alot of people here have liked it but it wasnt what i expected much better seeing 1 or 2 again. not enough action for me boring film good story line which coud have been improved. im still recovering as it started at 1 am lol. :rolleyes: