MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male astronomer for

warmth during BBC1's eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out

there,

they're rubbing each other and he's come in his shorts."

 

HERE is Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny

Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to

use

Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

 

ULRIKA Jonsson was a humble GMTV weathergirl talking about snowfall when

she revealed: "I had a good eight inches last night."

 

LORRAINE Kelly on GMTV: "This year's hairstyle is called a shag and our

resident stylist is here to give our model one."

 

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen

Hendry

jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

 

Richard Whiteley asking Carol Vorderman to display a word on Countdown:

"Ah, 'erection', let's see it up please Carol."

 

DAVID Dickinson, talking about an antique door-knocker on Bargain Hunt,

said to expert Nigel Smith: "You're a bit of a knockers man."

"Yes," he replied. "I've come across quite a few in my time."

 

HERE is Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith

Keppel

on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in

bed

last night."

 

ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well

Phil,

tell us about your amazing third leg."

 

BEATRICE Hillyer was discussing the availability of fresh water in

Baghdad

when she informed TVam viewers: "Just after the liberation, I was

getting it

twice a day in my hotel room."

 

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire

match,

inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just

tossed it off."

 

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What

does

it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

 

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today

after a 69."

 

STEVE Cram covering the men's 200 metres at the World Athletics

Championships: "Pumping away, Marlon Devonish has got the Olympic

champion

inside him."

 

CHAIN Letters host Allan Stewart was discussing a 6ft 5in contestant

called

Richard when he told two women competitors: "That's enough Dick for both

of

you."

 

EXPERT David Batty was examining a bowl with a pineapple-shaped lid on

Antiques Roadshow when he exclaimed: "This is the most magical,

wonderful

knob I have ever seen."

 

BEST TILL LAST

CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live

said:

"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

For those of you old enough to remember Nationwide, Mike Barrett (who still drinks in the Crown in Bray) and Frank Bough as genial local reporter / presenter on said program.

 

Last item on the prog was Fanny Cradock cooking doughnuts.

 

As the credits rolled, Frank beamed and delivered his sign-off line to camera.

 

"Goodnight everyone - and I hope your doughnuts end up like Fanny's".

 

 

And the weatherman (I think a young Michael Fish) in the days of magnetic letters on weather maps when the first letter of FOG fell down - he apologised by saying

 

"sorry about the F in FOG"

 

Originally posted by Leigh:

BEST TILL LAST

CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live

said:

"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

 

ROFLMFFFAAAAOOOOO

 

 

 

------------------

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land

on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of

a cat and drop it?"

Steven Wright.

tears rolling down my face - class