taken from elsewhere on the web....maybe a re-post but i cant recall these

 

 

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

 

 

 

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.

 

 

 

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

 

 

 

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"

 

 

 

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

 

 

 

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

 

 

 

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

 

 

 

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

 

 

 

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

 

 

 

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

 

 

 

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."

 

 

 

"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

 

 

 

"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

 

 

 

"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."

 

 

 

"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."

 

 

 

"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."

 

 

 

"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."

 

 

 

"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."

 

 

 

"I am planning to lend my car to someone who doesn't know how to drive, but beforehand can you please confirm that you'll pay for the damage he is likely to cause?"

 

 

 

"While going forward I smashed the rear light of the car in front of me. So I backed up, and in doing so smashed the bumper of the car behind me. That's when I stepped out of the car, but in doing so I knocked down a bicyclist with my door. That's all I have to declare for today."

pmsl :rofl::rofl:

love the last one :rofl: