Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird

section. Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem." The clerk comes over and asks

if he can help them. "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage

op dere," says Gerry, "Put dem in a peeper bag." The clerk does and the

two guys pay for the birds and leave the shop.

They get into Gerry's van and drive until they are high up in the hills

and stop at the top of a cliff with a 500-foot drop. "Dis looks loike a

grand place, eh?" says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag,

places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as his

mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed

by a 'SPLAT'.

As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head and says,

"Fock dat, dis budgie jumpin' is too fockin' dangerous for me."

============ PART TWO ===================

A minute later, Seamus arrives. He too has been to the pet shop and he

walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'. He pulls a parrot out of the

bag, and then Paddy notices that, in his other hand, Seamus is carrying a

gun.

"Hi, Paddy. Watch dis," Seamus says and launches himself over the edge of

the cliff. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes out the gun and

blows the parrot's head off. Seamus continues to plummet until there is a

'SPLAT'!

As he joins Gerry's remains at the bottom. Paddy shakes his head and

says, "An' oim never troyin' dat freefall parrotshooting nider."

========== PART THREE ==================

A few minutes after Seamus splats himself Sean strolls up. He too has

been to the pet shop and he walks up carrying the familiar 'peeper bag'.

Instead of a parrot he pulls a chicken out of the bag, and launches

himself off the cliff with the usual result.

Once more Paddy shakes his head - "Fock me Sean, first der was Gerry wit

his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting, and now you fockin

hengliding"

 

John,

 

At least you haven't lost a sense of humour after your engine gave up

 

Steve

I'm forever the optimist, it's only a lump of metal.

 

regards

JOHN

Paddy and Murphy walking past the Job Center - Paddy sees a sign in the window

"Tree Fellers Wanted"

 

Paddy says to Murphy

"Bejaysus Murph, if Connor had' da bin with us we could gone for that there job*'

 

Hoho.

 

* For reasons of non-stereotyping I have refrained from adding 'So we could' to the end of the joke LMAO!

 

 

Q: What is black and blue and found floating up sidedown in the Irish sea?

 

A: Someone who's tells a stupid Irish joke

 

 

 

An Irish man walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"

The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.

Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.

The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."

 

Paddy thought Sherlock Holmes was a block of flats

Paddy wanted to buy a house, so he went to British Home Stores

Paddy thought that Ellsemere Port was a new type of dinner wine

Paddy's wife gave birth to triplets, he's now looking for the other two fellows

Paddy thought that Sheffield Wednesday was a bank holiday

 

 

Need some more???? I got loads

Paddy stole a calender, he got twelve months

Paddy thought that Royal Enfield was where the Queen kept chickens

Paddy ironing the curtains - he kept falling out the window

Paddy drove off Beachey Head to test his lorry's air brakes

Paddy drove in the Indianapolis 500-he had 52 pit stops, 1 for fuel, 51 to ask for directions

Paddy went to the dentist to have a wisdom tooth put in

Paddy thought that Pontious Pilot worked for A.E.R Lingus

Paddy got a pair of water skis for Christmas, he spent a year looking for a lake on a slope

Paddy bought a paper shop - it blew away

Paddy crashed his helicopter, he switched off the fans because he couldn't stand the draught

Paddy won two prizes in the Generation Game, a pair of sliding doors and a conveyor belt

Paddy found a milk churn in a hedgerow, he thought it was a cow's nest

Paddy picking his nose - he took out the lining of his cap

Paddy got a job sweeping leaves up at Hyde Park, he fell out a tree and broke his leg

Paddy was studying Greek Mythology, when asked what was half man-half beast he replied "Buffalo Bill"

Paddy bought a pair of wellies. Two days later he took them back for a longer piece of string

Paddy was entered for two events in the 1979 Olympics - heading the shot and catching the javelin

Paddy the bricklayer went for a job with Wheetabix the builders

Paddy's wife wanted an animal skin coat, he bought her a donkey jacket

Paddy is suing Mothers Pride Bakery for using his signature in their buns on Good Friday

 

 

More Tomorrow

 

RCD

Q: How do you tell when an Irishman has been using your word processor?

 

A: Tipex on the screen.....

 

Ha bloody ha........ Got me coat....... I am the weakest link, goodbye

 

CheerZ,

 

Andy

 

------------------

what about the irish shop lifter found dead under tescos

Originally posted by T3RBO:

Q: What is black and blue and found floating up sidedown in the Irish sea?

 

A: Someone who's tells a stupid Irish joke

 

 

THE REPLY TO THAT ONE SHOULD BE:

 

A: An English man that tells Irish jokes!!!