NZR - but WELL funny!!

Apologies if this this has already done the rounds in your inboxes this morning! Enjoy

 

> NEW SLANG DICTIONARY, 2002

>

> AEROPLANE BLONDE

> One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

>

> AUSSIE KISS

> Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

>

> BADLY PACKED KEBAB

> A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.

>

> BEAVER LEAVER

> A homosexual.

>

> BEER COAT

> The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze

> cruise at 3 in the morning.

>

> BEER COMPASS

> The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze

> cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how

> you get there, and where you've come from.

>

> BEER SCOOTER

> The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not

> remember it i.e. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I

> must have caught the beer scooter".

>

> BOBFOC

> Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

>

> BOILER SUIT

> The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and with phallus

> aforethought, score with a BOBFOC last night. This charge is usually

> brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday

> night.

>

> BONE OF CONTENTION

> A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. one that arises when a man is

> watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

>

> BREAKING THE SEAL

> Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After

> breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be

> required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

>

> BRITNEY SPEARS

> Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".

>

> BRUCE LEE

> Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).

>

>

> BUDGIE'S TONGUE or SMALL MAN IN A BOAT, or TONGUE PUNCHBAG

> The female erection.

>

> BUNNY-BOILER

> An unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling

> scene in the film "Fatal Attraction", e.g. "I don't like the look of

> that aeroplane blonde - could be a bunny boiler".

>

> DOUBLE BASS

> A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and

> then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's

> Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when

> playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly

> different.

>

> DRINK-LINK

> A modern term for a cashpoint machine (ATM). Named so because it is

> common to visit one before going out on the booze.

>

> ETCH-A-SKETCH

> Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her

> nipples simultaneously.

>

> FLOGGING ON

> Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

>

> FREE THE TADPOLES

> Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.

>

> FRIGMAROLE

> Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

>

> FUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHIT

> The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a

> speed.

>

> GOING FOR A McSHIT

> Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,

> you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member,

> your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a

> McShit With Lies.

>

> GREYHOUND

> A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

>

> HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT

> A vigorous masturbation session.

>

> JOHNNY-NO-STARS

> A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who

> works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges

> displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to

> show their level of training.

>

> MILLENNIUM DOMES

> The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed

> from the outside, but there's actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.

>

> MONKEY BATH

> A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo!

> Aa!Aa! Aa!".

>

> MUMBLER

> An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can see the

> 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.

>

> MYSTERY BUS

> The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the

> toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive

> people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back

> in.

>

> MYSTERY TAXI

> The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you

> wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a

> 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

>

> NBR (NO BEERS REQUIRED)

> Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a

> 10-Pinter.

>

> NELSON MANDELA

> Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).

>

> ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE

> The need to defecate imminently.

>

> PEARL HARBOUR

> Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour

> out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air.

>

> PICASSO ARSE

> A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's

> got 4 buttocks.

>

> RAGMAN'S COAT

> Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. "That mumbler looks quite fit but I

> bet she's got a kebab like a ragmans coat !"

>

> RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE

> To defecate e.g. " I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just

> nipping out to release a chocolate hostage".

>

> SALAD DODGER

> An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

>

> SKIN-CHIMNEY - see BADLY PACKED KEBAB

>

> SPERM WAIL or SPUPHEMISM

> A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

>

> STARFISH TROOPER or ARSETRONAUT

> A homosexual.

>

> SWAMP-DONKEY

> A deeply unattractive woman.

>

> TART FUEL or BITCH PISS

> Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.

>

> TEN-PINTER

> Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

>

> TITANIC

> A lady who goes down first time out.

>

> TODGER DODGER

> A lesbian.

>

> TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE BAGGER

> Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover

> their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).

>

> UP ON BLOCKS

> Menstruating i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I

> don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks".

>

> VAGINA DECLINER

> A homosexual.

>

> WALLACE AND GROMIT

> Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'.

>

> WANK SÉANCE

> During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you're being

> watched with disgust by your dead relatives.

>

> WYNONA RYDER

> Rhyming Slang for 'cider'. e.g. "Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a

> bottle of tart fuel please Doreen".

>

> X-PILES

> Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

>

 

 

------------------

Simon