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hi im about to open an indian takeaway on Wednesday comming, ive picked a name (India 2 u) and on the front of the menu i have put a brief intro and logo. just wondered how appealing this is to you from a customers point of view. your feedback will be very much appreciated:

 

 

 

 

Bounded by the majestic Himalayan ranges to the north and edged by an endless stretch of golden sandy beaches. Between the deserts of Rajasthan in the west and the lush forests of Assam to the east, India is a vivid kaleidoscope of landscapes, magnificent historical sites and royal cities.

This country is synonymous with love, culture, friendliness and most of all food.

Using our years of knowledge and experience blending the finest, freshest ingredients, we create mouth-watering recipes to tantalise your taste buds and capture a diverse range of culinary tastes, which embodies the timeless mystery, and infinite beauty of India. We bring mystery, we bring culture, we bring spice, we bring…

 

India 2 u

 

(can anyone turn this into a vote

like

dont like

not bothered

unnecessary

other stipulate)

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Honestly? The image is really good but the copy is way too much "purple prose"...TBH it made me cringe just a little bit. It seems too over the top, if you know what I mean?

 

the majestic Himalayan ranges

edged by an endless stretch of golden sandy beaches

the lush forests of Assam

we create mouth-watering recipes to tantalise your taste buds

which embodies the timeless mystery, and infinite beauty of India

 

On their own, the sentences work just fine but all together it's overkill. Lose a just a couple of the unecessary adjectives and adverbs and it should read a lot better.

 

 

 

I have to say I also have a slight problem with the final tag line.

 

We bring mystery, we bring culture, we bring spice, we bring…

 

India 2 u

 

This is the clincher, the important message you're trying to get across that sums up exactly what you're about. You say you're bringing "mystery" and "culture", really going for the whole ancient, learned and mystical vibe, but then you seem to linguistically contradict yourself and spoil it all by using a name that is composed of "Text-Speak", something that is ultra modern and which, although probably a better representation of how English is actually spoken, is considered by many as being a cultural scourge that strips words of their colour, vibrancy and heritage till you're left with their very barest essentials. The exact opposite of the feeling you're trying to create in your dialogue with the customer.

 

But hey, that's all only my opinion (and you did ask ;)), and from reading the comments above, others like it! :)

 

My consultation fee is in the post :rofl: :D ;)

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Honestly? The image is really good but the copy is way too much "purple prose"...TBH it made me cringe just a little bit. It seems too over the top, if you know what I mean?

 

the majestic Himalayan ranges

edged by an endless stretch of golden sandy beaches

the lush forests of Assam

we create mouth-watering recipes to tantalise your taste buds

which embodies the timeless mystery, and infinite beauty of India

 

On their own, the sentences work just fine but all together it's overkill. Lose a just a couple of the unecessary adjectives and adverbs and it should read a lot better.

 

 

 

I have to say I also have a slight problem with the final tag line.

 

We bring mystery, we bring culture, we bring spice, we bring…

 

India 2 u

 

This is the clincher, the important message you're trying to get across that sums up exactly what you're about. You say you're bringing "mystery" and "culture", really going for the whole ancient, learned and mystical vibe, but then you seem to linguistically contradict yourself and spoil it all by using a name that is composed of "Text-Speak", something that is ultra modern and which, although probably a better representation of how English is actually spoken, is considered by many as being a cultural scourge that strips words of their colour, vibrancy and heritage till you're left with their very barest essentials. The exact opposite of the feeling you're trying to create in your dialogue with the customer.

 

But hey, that's all only my opinion (and you did ask ;)), and from reading the comments above, others like it! :)

 

My consultation fee is in the post :rofl: :D ;)

 

 

Blimee bud !!! :eek: :confused: :confused:

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Get rid of the full stop after "beaches", replace it with a comma and don't capitalize the "Between" that follows. Get rid of the comma after the first "mystery" and consider whether you really need two "mystery"s in consecutive sentences.

 

Apart from that, it's very good :)

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A big thankyou to all who contributed to this effort and to all that read it. :D

 

thanx for all you comments and points of views which is humbly accepted and appreciated. i have edited the intro please feel free to edit further.. rome wasnt built in one day and certnly not by one man. special thanx to "steve", "mac300zx", "Friday" and "Dave8 uk". and others whom i may have missed. :bow: :bow:

 

 

Bounded by the majestic Himalayan ranges to the north and edged by an endless stretch of golden sandy beaches, between the deserts of Rajasthan in the west and the lush forests of Assam to the east, India is a vivid kaleidoscope of landscapes, magnificent historical sites and royal cities.

This country is synonymous with love, culture, friendliness and most of all food.

Using our years of knowledge and experience blending the finest, freshest ingredients, we create mouth-watering recipes to tantalise your taste buds and capture a diverse range of culinary tastes, which embodies the timeless mystery, and infinite beauty of India. We bring ???????, we bring culture, we bring spice, we bring…

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