If you have never watched the "Fast Show" (UK Only I think) then the chances of this making sense are, well, err slim !

 

Enjoy

 

Herman

 

 

MAKING COFFEE

Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to

 

be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently, and

firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put

in the milk.

 

LAYING A CARPET

Laying a carpet is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You

check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over

her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.

 

HANGING WALLPAPER

Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful

woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover

her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your

pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

 

PUTTING UP A TENT

Putting up a tent, Paul, is... very much like making love to a beautiful

woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'... slip in to the

old bag.

 

WASHING A CAR

Washing a car, Paul, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give

every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet

 

sponge.

 

ANSWERING THE PHONE

Answering the phone, Paul, is... a little like making love to a beautiful

woman. In that you've gotta... lift the receiver, put it to your ear,

speak... loudly and clearly... oh, yes - and don't forget to state your

name.

 

BEING IN THERAPY

And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

You... get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions,

probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

 

BEING IN A CRASH

Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual

carriage-way, Paul, is... very much like making love to a beautiful woman.

First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a

rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as

possible.

 

GOING FISHING

Of course, Paul. As you know, I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know,

I've often thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a

beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully

pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built

up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check

that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the

grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the

appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.

 

ROFLMAO

 

Class!

owning a zed is like getting married...

 

you say yes then hand over all your money...

 

LOL

You're not wrong Rob, my cash comes outta the cashpoint with "Z" marked in the top right corner! LMAO

 

When I check my balance it doesn't use pounds or euros...it says Z tokens!

 

[This message has been edited by Timmy_Turbo (edited 22-11-2001).]

Ever had to be conservative with the truth to your other half?

 

"How much was that new ECU lying on the table?" (in a grumpy voice)

 

"Oh..only about £50 darling!"

 

Paul

 

 

Bloody hell Paul mate, that's uncanny...that's exactly how much mine cost!!!

LMFAO! when I got my new exhaust from Johnny Boy DEEP GROWL took the other half out in the motor.That exhaust seems loud she said,I know darling it needs replacing but I can't afford it just yet I reply, trying not to burst into laughter!So she asked me if I wanted one for christmas.O NO!now what do I tell her?

 

------------------

Bloody hell mate, new zorst off the Mrs. for crimbo?

 

I'm lucky if I end up buying myself a pair of Taz socks from the Mrs. Turbo to me! LMAO

Originally posted by MAC 1:

LMFAO! when I got my new exhaust from Johnny Boy DEEP GROWL took the other half out in the motor.That exhaust seems loud she said,I know darling it needs replacing but I can't afford it just yet I reply, trying not to burst into laughter!So she asked me if I wanted one for christmas.O NO!now what do I tell her?

 

 

 

 

I had a similar thing with 2 spare turbos I or should I say, SHE bought last week. She even came with me and handed the cash over herself. Am trying to work the same magic with a nice Brembo/Mintex setup. LOL

 

 

[This message has been edited by Cos (edited 22-11-2001).]