> Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas

> bill, a spokesman for NorthWest Gas said "We agree it was rather high

> for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the

> gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."

>

> (The Daily Telegraph)

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami

> in her knickers. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing

> her Italian boyfriend.

>

> (The Manchester Evenings News)

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because

> they cannot issue a description. It's a special branch vehicle and they

> don't want the public to know what it looks like.

>

> (The Guardian)

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30-year-old Michael Howard

> of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to "Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist

> *******s". The bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr

> *******s has asked them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in

> his new name.

>

> (The Guardian)

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was

> rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman

> commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".

>

> (The Times)

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard on the

> spot and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied that he was

> sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind

> had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.

>

> (Aberdeen Evening Express)

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with

> her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to

> do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled.

> "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up

> in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out "Heil

> Hitler".

>

> (Bournemouth Evening Echo)

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------------------

>

> THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2002:

>

> Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

>

> Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash

>

> Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

>

> Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

>

> Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

>

> Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

>

> Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

>

> Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

>

> Miners Refuse to Work after Death

>

> Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

>

> War Dims Hope for Peace

>

> If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

>

> Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

>

> Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

>

> Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

>

> Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

>

> Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

>

> New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

>

> Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

>

> Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

>

> Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

>

> Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

>

> Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

LOL - Class Pete! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: