Don't know where I got this from... may have been this forum ages ago but read it last night again and LOL'd

 

THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER

 

8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday

8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants

> > > open presents - expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner

9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil

10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer

10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry

12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe

12.45 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained

> > > 7kg

1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit

3.00 Nap

4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card id from secret

> > > admirer

4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but

> > > gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body

5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before

> > > full length mirror

7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments

> > > received from other diners/dancers

10.00 Hot shower (alone)

10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen)

11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11.15 If it's the right time of the month, gently make love

11.30 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

 

 

THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM

6.00 Blow Job

6.15 Huge fart makes her choke and raises the sheets by 3 inches

6.20 Alarm

6.30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section

7.00 Breakfast: Huge fry up, coffee and toast, all cooked by

> > > naked buxom wench

7.30 Limo arrives

7.45 Several Whiskeys en-route to airport

9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet

9.30 Limo to Riverside Oaks Golf Club (blow job en-route)

9.45 Play front nine (2 under)

12.00 Lunch: Pie, chips and curry sauce, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon

12.15 Blow job

12.30 Play back nine (4 under)

2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Whiskeys)

2.30 Fly to Monte Carlo on Concorde (Sex in toilet with 2 air hostesses)

3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew (all nude)

4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle

5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson

6.45 Shit, Shower and Shave

7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; Cocaine, ecstasy and porn

> > > legalised

7.30 Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet

> > > steak followed by Ice-cream served on a pair of tits

8.30 Tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale

9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Cohuna cigar in front of wall size TV as you

> > > watch international match of the day; England beating Germany 11-0

9.30 Massage followed by wild sex with three stunning porn stars in Jacuzzi

11.00 Onion bahji, chicken vindaloo and garlic naan washed down with export lager

11.30 A night cap blowjob by Cameron Diaz

11.45 In bed alone

11.50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to

> > > leave the room

12.00 Snoring like a pig.

 

Just another perfect day for me today...so far!! (apart from 9:15-9:45am)

 

LMAO

 

 

Matty....

 

 

You been at my diary again Chris???

 

Me and Mat Lad are part of the same secret fraternity you know "The Loaf Masons" which involves all above on a daily basis. Bit like Tony Soprano's secret life of shagging and crime but with the normal day to day lifestyle of wifey and sprogs! What more could a geeZer ask for...LMAO!

 

Tim

;-)

 

The ladies won't like that one but that just confirms it's cool.