Some might of noticed I've hardly been on here for quite a while, work at SFS has been ridiculously busy with shows and staff holidays. Kind of lost my mojo on the cars again and even the garage build has stopped :sad:

 

I have to see the surgeon in 2 weeks as my specialist has said there's nothing he can do for me and the internal reconstructional surgery they did 12 years ago all has to come out and they can't redo it again as I have lost to much of my small bowel as it is. Gutted is an understatement, I'm not sure how I face this as before the reconstruction I had a tempoary fix which I hated and now this will be a permanent thing. I know this seems a little criptic but some people know my problems and should be able to work it out, at 38 this isn't something I want and my wife has had no experience of it either, its worrying how she and indeed I will feel with this. Took the step today to call the specialist nurses about counselling which for me is a big step as I 'don't do feelings' and usually do the pull yourself together speech but I know confidence will nose dive even if all goes well with no complications, just finding it hard to motivate myself about anything at the moment....

Hi Anthony, In a way I am glad you will be coming home, as at least you can relax in your own home as much as possible. Sorry to hear things can't be sorted out as quickly as you wanted them to. Hopefully being at home with the ones you love will help you get strong enough quicker.....

I have to say after watching all the Cr*p you have been put through mate and still be fighting and as positive as you are is inspirational......

I am guessing when you are home, we will see loads of posts and threads with your name on it.......lol

Best turn the swear filter on, I'm going to need advice. My manipulative, sl@t of an ex-wife has used this episode to turn my 12 year old son against my wife. To say I am devistated and so f@@king angry is an understatement. So not only do I need to get better, accept living with an ileostomy I have to work how to fix this while my son won't now come to the house to see me. I've seen him once since before the op 24th July.

My wife was texting the ex after the op to ask her to bring Tomos in to see me, she refused. My wife kept asking telling her I wanted to see him and that everyone should put me first to help me. She basically said she didn't care and he wasn't coming, they live 3 miles from the hospital. I sent a few messages later and the response was he's scared so we said fair enough and didn't ask again. Now when I've asked for him to come over for the weekend which he did once a fortnight he refuses as he said my wife was mean to him trying to make him visit.

Bearing in mind my wife never communicated directly with Tomos that only leaves the ex passing on the request and the ex says 'it's his decision" ! Don't know what to do and it's something I could do without atm

Not easy mate. Get yourself up to strength and then start to make vists by yourself to start of with then you can talk to your son and sort it out.

Yes I agree. Arrange a meet with your son without either your wife or ex if possible. Then you can allay any fears he has. I assume he was scared of coming to hospital and seeing you full of tubes etc? Get his confidence back. Then find out what has been said

Well he's adamant he won't come up, still can't work how my wife can be mean to him when she never spoke to him? Think we'll be getting some legal advice on this, impact is massive and all his mum can say is its his decision! I'm sure all 11 years olds can make such a big decision!!! Ex must be loving this as her twisting if things has caused this, I've seen my son once since mid July and won't see him until end of the month :-(

Really don't need the stress on top of everything else, the wife is devastated after she has done SO much for him it makes me angry that he is being so selfish to her and to me as all I really need is his support.

Its a terrible crime when one parent uses the kid or kids to extend there own person battle after a split...ive been there so i know how it is mate. I want to be sensible here and offer good sound advice but knowing how i felt i cant and can only say your ex-wife is a cruel bitch mate :censored:

Well and truly fed up in all ways now. My son still won't come up and I've kept in touch but no matter how much I ask him to keep in contact he doesn't, no messages or texts, really feel like he doesn't care at all and at the moment really doesn't feel like I have a son. Horrible way to feel and I don't think I have the fight for this, if he was more bothered I might think it was but he's clearly not fussed and his mum must love it and keeps posting on FB how proud of him she is and is buying him computers etc.

Still haven't been able to get the car back from work yet as the boss is off with personal issues so I'm stuck home Mon-fri 8-6.00 on my own with only the dogs here, don't think that helps either as it's lonely. I've tried to do some work but just can't get into anything at all, try hard but just don't have the drive for it. Also tried some work on the S14 and in the house but it's too much for me, hour max and I'm done, so frustrating. Would just like to make progress on something but not going anywhere with anything, always been so active and hands on and now feel useless.

I know it's a depressing post but don't know what to do to get myself going

Well and truly fed up in all ways now. My son still won't come up and I've kept in touch but no matter how much I ask him to keep in contact he doesn't, no messages or texts, really feel like he doesn't care at all and at the moment really doesn't feel like I have a son. Horrible way to feel and I don't think I have the fight for this, if he was more bothered I might think it was but he's clearly not fussed and his mum must love it and keeps posting on FB how proud of him she is and is buying him computers etc.

Still haven't been able to get the car back from work yet as the boss is off with personal issues so I'm stuck home Mon-fri 8-6.00 on my own with only the dogs here, don't think that helps either as it's lonely. I've tried to do some work but just can't get into anything at all, try hard but just don't have the drive for it. Also tried some work on the S14 and in the house but it's too much for me, hour max and I'm done, so frustrating. Would just like to make progress on something but not going anywhere with anything, always been so active and hands on and now feel useless.

I know it's a depressing post but don't know what to do to get myself going

 

I have a daughter who i never see (her terms) and thats life..get up and get on is my motto mate....Your going to feel the way you do mate after being fiddled with so much and your body/mind/motorvation will take months to kick back in and regain full mojo so dont beat yourself up over it. Ile ask you this..when you was stuck in that bed was you happy??would you rather be bored sh1tless in the hospital or your own house:blushing:.Tomorrow go outside and walk around with no shirt on for an hour,it will give you a blast of endorphens and you,ll also be begging to get inside by the fire ile tell ya:lol:

I have a daughter who i never see (her terms) and thats life..get up and get on is my motto mate....Your going to feel the way you do mate after being fiddled with so much and your body/mind/motorvation will take months to kick back in and regain full mojo so dont beat yourself up over it. Ile ask you this..when you was stuck in that bed was you happy??would you rather be bored sh1tless in the hospital or your own house:blushing:.Tomorrow go outside and walk around with no shirt on for an hour,it will give you a blast of endorphens and you,ll also be begging to get inside by the fire ile tell ya:lol:

Znut, you are a Sadomasochist............ No shirt on in that cold weather........ He's only just got out of hospital and your suggesting self induced hyperthermia.......:lol:

 

Anthonyd, Glad to hear your out and on your feet (a bit)..... Sounds like you need to do some research and a project...... build or design something?

Well and truly fed up in all ways now. My son still won't come up and I've kept in touch but no matter how much I ask him to keep in contact he doesn't, no messages or texts, really feel like he doesn't care at all and at the moment really doesn't feel like I have a son. Horrible way to feel and I don't think I have the fight for this, if he was more bothered I might think it was but he's clearly not fussed and his mum must love it and keeps posting on FB how proud of him she is and is buying him computers etc.

Still haven't been able to get the car back from work yet as the boss is off with personal issues so I'm stuck home Mon-fri 8-6.00 on my own with only the dogs here, don't think that helps either as it's lonely. I've tried to do some work but just can't get into anything at all, try hard but just don't have the drive for it. Also tried some work on the S14 and in the house but it's too much for me, hour max and I'm done, so frustrating. Would just like to make progress on something but not going anywhere with anything, always been so active and hands on and now feel useless.

I know it's a depressing post but don't know what to do to get myself going

 

I know it's not an excuse and it obviously doesn't help now but he will grow out of it. Kids can be pretty selfish and don't necessarily understand the consequences of their actions. You've done nothing wrong so there's only so much time he can act up and all you can do is carry on sending the odd message, if you give up you'll just drift apart.

I think I'm starting the same process as you (without your complications!!) and had my 1st surgery (ileostomy) 3 weeks ago. I know how crap I felt after 5 days in hospital so can't begin to imagine how drained you must be! I'm still housebound but pretty mobile and have started to work from home or else I wild be going stir crazy. Sounds like you're trying to do too much too early, just try to relax, watch all 8 seasons of 24 and build yourself up.

 

Good luck mate

I sort of know how you feel as I have had major health issues and have been battling fatigue for the past year. You have to pace yourself and learn to stop before you get tired or it takes even longer to recover. It affects you mentally as well as physically so you don't need this stress with your son. He's at that 'difficult ' age, grumpy and selfish. It's easy for me to say cos he's not my brat, but for now, stuff him!! Maintain minimal contact and concentrate on getting yourself better.

Seems we are going separate ways at the moment! It was his birthday the other week and I had asked him to write some thank you notes to people who sent him gifts, its something we always get him to do although he hates doing it. Well after asking and insisting he does them several times he says no he's not doing them and that's final, that we never listen to him and to leave him alone as I'm bugging him, if he'd been here he wouldn't of been able to sit down for a week the way he answered me back. His mums take is he was being cheeky but if he doesn't want to do them then that's fine she won't make him, the fact I asked him to do them and its polite makes no odds. I wonder who's the parent and who's the child, also she's told him that the money I give her has gone down at the moment due to work situation and isn't he important enough to make sure she gets all her money !

Fuming is an understatement, real feel like walking away and telling him to come back when he's less selfish and grows up a bit and he apologises!!

Back in again :-(

Small op today, came in last night with a the start of something that gets very painful if left, at least got it early this time. Last time I had one I could barely walk, thing is I shouldn't get these at all now after the surgery in July!

Well i survived, a bit sore at the moment and man I bled a lot judging by the dressing they changed earlier! Hopefully home tomorrow or Thursday ...

FFS mate. Just seen this! Will buzz you in the morning. Was in Cornwall till Lat Mon Night and come back to little one with a fever again...

Check up with the surgeon Thursday, all ok. back to my original fighting weight, wound from the surgery the other week almost healed. Had a chat about phase two....

 

So probably next February is round 2, it's about 4-5 hrs of surgery to take out the defunctioned pouch as it couldn't be done in July due to the emergency status. Good news they will also re-site the stoma as it's not in a good place, the op should stop any abscesses coming back once everything is gone. It will be nice to get some closure and actually get on with things, 6 weeks no driving and up to 2 months recovery but should be ready for Japfest !!

Well got a call, the next 5 hr op is planned for the 25th Feb so 5 weeks away. I thought I'd be relieved by knowing when and getting sorted, seems I'm now sh@t scared! Happy birthday me as I'm 40 two days after :-(

Its crazy how much fight you have man, the majority would have given up long ago...

 

...dont give in now, im sure many people would congratulate you personally at japfest for coming so far after so much!

Well if it goes ahead it's 2 weeks tomorrow, trying to get so much done. New business, finish 2 rooms in the house and my job just as well it's 2 months of rest after !

Well went for my pre-admission appointment so all sorted, Monday it is !

 

This time they recon I'll be in for only 7 days as I'm down for a advanced nutrition/mobility programme that will get me up and about quickly, not sure I like the sound of 'well the plan is to get you to eat 3 hours after surgery and get up and about the same day as well' After 5 hours of bowel surgery and my stomach muscles cut open not sure I fancy either of those the same day....

Hope it all goes well and wish you a speedy recovery,

That's the way they do it these days. I had fairly major surgery last year. Back from the theatre at 5pm, discharged at 9.30 the next morning. Hope everything goes ok. Onwards and upwards!!

Hope it all goes well Anthony, I was wondering how the hell you are.......

Well all booked in and typing this from a hospital bed, don't know what time I'm going down tomorrow but I'm sure I won't this chirpy tomorrow! Well hopefully you'll be hearing from me in a few days.

Well all booked in and typing this from a hospital bed, don't know what time I'm going down tomorrow but I'm sure I won't this chirpy tomorrow! Well hopefully you'll be hearing from me in a few days.