Yampiedog

My girl is going to leave me over this post whoring. You think i'm joking!

Cheers matey!

Ankle socks might not work, perhaps we should get Trinny and Suzanna to subscribe and get there highly valued opinon?

Leave it! It's like notches on the bed post. LOL

Back to the giraffe. If it had longer legs would its sexuality become an issue and would it wear stockings?

Which self respecting woman could resist?

And because he drove a white Corvette!!!

Probably not, the logic being Mr T, he had loads of bling but not much of a neck!

With more cider would there be a bigger market for organ donors in Somerset?

Totally irrelevant but Eskimos do not have a word for SNOW.

But into whose bath would the apple fall?

Would there tails be longer as well?

No they would have stripes and be called Zebra's.

The wife put you on Ebay, wrapped you as a parcel whilst asleep and posted you to the Outer Hebrides. You would then spend two further days travelling back. This may be a little hard to convince people though, unless you have access to a franking machine and you could stamp your hand.

I've even got an expenses form from CPS.

That's too honest!

I've got a witness warning letter from Wolverhampton Crown Court. I'm sure you could amend it. Alternatively tell them you are a witness at court, my letter would also help with that.

:dance: I've took my time but it soon adds up.

You wanted excuses, hope you like them. I'm sure I could even come up with some custody details if you want.

Jury service. However this would be more convincing to start on a Monday.

Just checked, it's Firefox.

I'm sure someone is selling doors for £60 each in FOR SALE section.

When they ask if you going to get compensation you can say no because they acted genuiely on the information before them! If you did say you were getting compensation you would have to convince them some how that you had got £1000 per hour in custody (that's the going rate). This way though you would have to splash out some cash to enforce the story!

The latter would be slightly more convincing if you have a common name but nonetheless it's still plausible.

Telephone in from a witheld telephone number and tell them you were out driving your car, got pulled by the police and your details came back as wanted on warrant for failing to appear at court on the police national computer. Then go back to work having appeared ficticiously at some Magistrates Court the other end of the country and you've now been released following a fingerprint check which showed you weren't the person they wanted!