MORE JOKES

Joe was a successful lawyer but he was increasingly hampered by incredible

headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.

After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem.

"The good news is I can cure your headaches... The bad news is that it

will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your

testicles to press up against the base of your spine, and the pressure

creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to

remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long

enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in

20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.

He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing

store and thought, "That's what I need -- a new suit."

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know ?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt ?"

Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and 16 and a half neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know ?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes ?"

Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2 E."

Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know ?" "Been in the business 60 years!"

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably

around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"

Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure."

The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."

Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A 34 underwear

would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you

one hell of a headache."

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam

'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks,

'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the

student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,

'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

Hope you enjoy them

Mrs dunk300zxtt(Wendy)