A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect,they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is kind of surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy

bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

 

She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well,

how was it?" The man says, "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."

 

ROFL

 

If she'd taken it up the Gary Glitter she'd have been on the next shelf up and if she'd swallowed after all that chocolate lolly pop sucking she'd have been up for the Gold and on the Top shelf!!! LMFAO

 

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[This message has been edited by Timmy_Turbo (edited 28-06-2002).]

An another....

 

Dear all

It has been brought to my attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer been tolerated.

We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so

that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

 

TRY SAYING:

Perhaps I can work late.

INSTEAD OF:

And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

 

TRY SAYING:

I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF:

No fucking way.

 

TRY SAYING:

Really?

INSTEAD OF:

You've got to be shitting me!

 

TRY SAYING:

Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF:

Tell someone who gives a shit.

 

TRY SAYING:

I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF:

It's not my fucking problem.

 

TRY SAYING:

That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF:

What the fuck?

 

TRY SAYING:

I 'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF:

This shit won't work.

 

TRY SAYING:

I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF:

Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

 

TRY SAYING:

He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF:

He's got his head up his ass.

 

TRY SAYING:

Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF:

Eat shit and die.

 

TRY SAYING:

So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF:

Kiss my ass.

 

TRY SAYING:

I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF:

Fuck it, I'm on salary.

 

TRY SAYING:

I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF:

Shove it up your ass.

 

TRY SAYING:

I love a challenge.

This job sucks.

 

TRY SAYING:

You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF:

Who the hell died and made you boss?

 

TRY SAYING:

I see.

INSTEAD OF:

Blow me.

 

TRY SAYING:

He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF:

He's a prick.

 

TRY SAYING:

She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF:

She's a ball-busting bitch.

 

TRY SAYING:

I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF:

You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

 

 

LOL yes indeedy....'I'll just go off for five minutes and come back and ask again.'

Five minutes pass and the guy returns to the centipede,

'Hey centipede, how about you and me go to the pub for a beer?'

Again, the centipede doesn't answer him.

'Hmmmmm' the guy thinks to himself,

'I'll just go off and watch this TV show, come back and ask him

again'.

Half an hour passes and the guy returns to the centipede.

'I'll just ask him one more time' he tells himself.

'Hey centipede, how about you and me go to the pub for a beer?'

The centipede looks up at the man and says,

'For F**K's sake man I heard you the first time, I'm putting my shoes on!

 

Joke 2

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All

of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want."

 

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the

enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time.

 

Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

 

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

 

 

Billlliant...Brian and Libby are staying in a hotel and after a romantic evening

wining and dining they go off to bed.

However, as soon as they settle down,Brian(not quite ready for slumber)

leans over and whispers softly,

"Hey snuggle boopy doops, your little hubby wubby isn't quite ready for

nighty-nighty yet."

 

Sarah takes the hint and says "OK, but I have to use the bathroom

first."

So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet

and lands flat on her face.

Brian jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone,"Oh my precious little

honey bunny, is your noseywosey all righty?"

 

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex

for three hours.

Afterwards, Libby goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she

trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face

on the floor.

 

Brian looks over and grunts, "Clumsy bitch."

 

 

christ andy, you got some time on your hand aint ya. and you pay yourself howmuch????

lol

kris

 

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LOL. Just browsing through my email and I came accross them. You know how it is....