this has got to be one of the funniest threads i have ever read -

its not often i#m reduced to tears - maybe its just my sense of humor ;)

http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/read.php?f=2&i=3141618&t=3141618&PHPSESSID=30cf846286610800c227e14b8b2fd63a

fpmsl

 

I'd had some disturbing "signs" during daily "evacuation procedures". In the past I'd also had Farmer Giles & Family surgically evicted from my arrrse, so wasn't about to wait years to have any future "squatters" invade me via the back door.Doctor took a look and with only "Breathe out" for warning, proceeded to instantly put an expression on my face more commonly associated with riders of "The Big One" at Alton towers. And believe me I FELT like I was riding a VERY BIG one. the only word I could manage was "HOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFF !!!"

 

Weeks later I got letter from hospital plus two sachets of "Agent" Picolax.

 

In true blokey fashion I then "Man Read" the letter (ie opened it scanned it and took out the "Free Gifts") re: appointment and pre-op procedure

(WARNING: mistake alert).

WARNING: F*CKING BIG MISTAKE ALERT).

 

Right so on "Monday the 10th I was to have an "Investigative Procedure".

 

And so from 36 hours prior I would be RESTRICTED TO CLEAR FLUIDS ONLY.

So no real food from 8pm Saturday night. Slap up meal Saturday teatime, then orange juice or tea without milk, or "Clear soup" (sod that), a couple of lagers can't do any harm (Erm, wrong d*ckhead but sadly that's not yer main problem, sadly no)

 

Sunday evening I've been on clear fluids only for a whole day. Family sit down to roast beef, yorkshire pud, gravy roasties, peas carrots followed by trifle. Never mind I'll tuck into a glass of orange juice. (TW*TTT !!)

 

Whilst they sit back in post scoff bliss I prepare for my first meeting with "Agent" Picolax. (cue Music from Jaws)

 

Read instruction on "Free Gift Number 1".

I tear the strip off the sachet [PAUSE]

 

premember in those stories how insignificant it seems when the cork is removed from the bottle found on the shore, and an affable Genie trapped for a thousand years pops out ?

Well hold that thought

 

[RSTART]

 

And a few minutes later . . . .

 

"Agent" Picolax has entered the building (orally).

 

Not too unpleasant, tasted a bit "lemony", to be fair if most energy drinks tasted like this they'd be more popluar.

 

As these foolish thoughts are noodling around in my head a butterfly in the Amazon flaps it's wings. . . . .

 

A storm of geological cataclysmic ferocity fuelled by an apopleptic "Agent" Picolax is gathering pace, mass and will reveal itself too late upon the unwary. Oh Yes.

 

Seeing as I like the odd beer I'm pretty used to the occasional "rumbly in my tumbly", so surely nothing to worry about there then ?

 

 

tick follows tick follows tock . . . . .

 

that mans a legend :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

That is pure class! :rofl: :bow:

Absolute quality :rofl:

fpmsl :rofl: that's class, made me laugh out loud here toward the bottom

I have snot on my monitor