Anger Management

 

 

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take

it

out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on

someone you don't know.

 

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to

make.

I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

I Politely said, "This is David. Could I please speak with Robert

Campbell

?"

 

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f*kin

number!"

and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone

could

be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call

him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with him, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a tw*t!" and hung

up.

 

I wrote his number down with the word 'Tw*t' next to it, and put it in

my

desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a

really

bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a Tw*t!" It always

cheered me up.

 

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "Tw*t" calling

would have to stop. So, I called his number and said,"Hi, this is John

Smith from BT . I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID

Program?"

 

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back

and

said, "That's because you're a Tw*t!"

 

One day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a

parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and

pulled

into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that

I'd

been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For

Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

 

A couple of days later, right after calling the first Tw*t (I had his

number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover

Tw*t,too.

 

I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?"

Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I

asked."Yes, I

live at 129 Alice Street, in Ilford. It's a terraced house, and the

car's

parked right out in front."

 

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said.

 

"When's a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm

currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?"

"Steve, you're a Tw*t!"

 

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I

had

a problem, I had two a**eholes to call. Then one day I came up with an

idea. I called Tw*t #1.

 

"Hello?"

 

"You're a Tw*t!" (But I didn't hang up.)

 

"Are you still there?" he asked.

 

"Yeah," I said.

 

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

 

"Make me," I said.

 

"Who are you?" he asked.

 

"My name is Steve Hansen."

 

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

 

"I live at 129 Alice Street, Ilford, a terraced house, with my gunmetal

grey Land Rover parked out the front."

 

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start

saying

your prayers."

 

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Tw*t," and hung up.

 

Then I called Tw*t #2. "Hello?" he said.

 

"Hello, Tw*t," I said.

 

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

 

"You'll do what?" I said.

 

"I'll kick your a*se," he exclaimed.

 

I answered, "Well, C*nt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

 

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at

129 Alice Street, Ilford , and that I was on my way over there to kill

my

gay lover. Then I called Channel 5 News about the hoodie war going down

in

Alice Street, Ilford .

 

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Alice Street. I got there

just

in time to watch two Tw*ts beating the cr*p out of each other in front

of

six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a News crew.

 

Now I feel MUCH better.

 

:nono: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

surely this cant be true.. but if it is LMFAO

 

Nice one

 

Neil

I know Steve Hansen from 129 Alice Street, Ilford.

 

 

And he is still a tw@t

TOP IDEA !!! :bow: :bow: :bow: Deffo one to remember :dance:

I have an anger management problem, my own mother told me to go see a therapist...thanks mom!

iv done this very satisfiying :rofl:

 

i never got a news crew or police, but its better than a stressball