For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

 

Men are like....

 

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like....Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ......Weather .... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .......Blenders.... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ..... Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature

9. Men are like .....Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ....Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like ..Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ..... Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

 

 

Enjoy girls

LOL!

 

in retaliation:

 

A blonde is having trouble doing her jigsaw puzzle & turns to her husband & says "hunny, could you help me with this jigsaw, its supposed to be a tiger"

the husband sighs & replies "put the Frosties back in the f*cking box love"

 

:rofl:

Pmsl

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.

 

The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."

 

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No... it's because you're 25."

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.

 

The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."

 

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mummy, Mummy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mummy?" "No... it's because you're 25."

 

So glad I'm not blond or a bimbo. Red heads rule :D :hyper:

lol :rofl:

Red heads rule :D :hyper:

 

keep out of the sun, or use sunblock!! :D

lol :rofl:

Now that's enough jollity from you. Off to work with you :D

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

 

Men are like....

 

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like....Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ......Weather .... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .......Blenders.... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ..... Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature

9. Men are like .....Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ....Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like ..Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ..... Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

 

 

Enjoy girls

 

 

And without us.........................you would be F@#ked coz you would'nt be F@#ked.

 

 

Work that one out???

 

 

In a simple sentence........

1. Women are like..................... women. Aint that enough???? :x:

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

 

Men are like....

 

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like....Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ......Weather .... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like .......Blenders.... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ..... Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature

9. Men are like .....Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ....Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like ..Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like ..... Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

 

 

Enjoy girls

 

Men lie about their jobs, drive cars they can't afford, wear toupees and loose shirts that hide their stomachs, and say they want a "real woman"...

How does a man keep his youth?

By giving them money, furs and diamonds. :hyper:

Men lie about their jobs, drive cars they can't afford, wear toupees and loose shirts that hide their stomachs, and say they want a "real woman"...

 

LOL! as opposed to women that have no jobs but tell their men "well cleaning the house is like a full time job", cant drive to save thier life, spend ££££'s in hair salons & look the fookin same as when they went in, wear tight clothing then ask "does my bum look big in this??" (we all think - course it does love - youve got a fat ass!) & think they ARE real women!! :x: :p

LOL! as opposed to women that have no jobs but tell their men "well cleaning the house is like a full time job", cant drive to save thier life, spend ££££'s in hair salons & look the fookin same as when they went in, wear tight clothing then ask "does my bum look big in this??" (we all think - course it does love - youve got a fat ass!) & think they ARE real women!! :x: :p

If a man had a thought in his head, it would get lonely! :hyper:

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you? :x:

husband comes home from the pub & walks into his bedroom where his wife is with a sheep under his arm & says "this is the pig i have to shag when you dont want sex"

the wife says "your drunk & i think you'll find thats a sheep"

husband says "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"

 

:rofl:

husband comes home from the pub & walks into his bedroom where his wife is with a sheep under his arm & says "this is the pig i have to shag when you dont want sex"

the wife says "your drunk & i think you'll find thats a sheep"

husband says "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"

 

:rofl:

How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini. :x:

LOL!

 

in retaliation:

 

A blonde is having trouble doing her jigsaw puzzle & turns to her husband & says "hunny, could you help me with this jigsaw, its supposed to be a tiger"

the husband sighs & replies "put the Frosties back in the f*cking box love"

 

:rofl:

 

 

im blonde, why did i laugh on saturday??? coz some one told me a joke on Wednesday.

 

 

blonde jokes, so out dated!!!

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

Wife: You wear briefs, don't you? :x:

 

i love that one

im blonde, why did i laugh on saturday??? coz some one told me a joke on Wednesday.

 

 

blonde jokes, so out dated!!!

 

you try being welsh and sit in a pub. get a txt on your mobile which goes baaaaaaa. then see how many old jokes you get lol

:D

Well you got me worked out on 12 out of 13....& you have not even met me.

:D ....Very funny but true.

hehe i love this thread :rofl:

whats the useless peice of skin around the penis?- THE MAN!!!

whats the useless peice of skin around the penis?- THE MAN!!!

 

what's the useless flap of skin around the vagina called.... THE WOMAN :rofl:

Have to add......

 

...a mate of mine had a sex change a couple of years back. Once he had the op and become a she, I asked him (well her) if it was painful, you know having it sliced, folded etc etc.

 

Anyway the reply was....

 

...."Well it wasn't too bad having the op to become a woman, it's quite easy and painless having the old knob sliced tucked in and turned into a vag. The only difficulty encountered was having my mouth enlarged and half my brain removed......."

 

:rofl:

 

Richard ;)

By the way, has anyone noticed that beer contains female hormones?

 

After 10 pints it makes us men talk shit and unable to drive :hyper:

 

Richard :D

Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?

A. When the crew gets lost in space, at least women will ask for directions.

 

Q. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?

A. So men can understand them.