Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year...have a laugh and

read on.

Complaint Letter of the Year. The British do have a way with words.... A real-life customer complaint

letter sent to NTL (to their complaints dept....)

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for

your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this

three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had

not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity

of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details,

so that you can either pursue your professional perogative, and seek to

rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can

have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working

day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my

spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your

technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57

minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more

annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful

website....HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes

- an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.

The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,

although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -

such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem

had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem

arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours

between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am

still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my

mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a

variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly

skilled *****ck jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone

will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone

will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows

whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);

that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an

answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be

transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating

Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a

thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of

those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't

care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's

in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me,

therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of godawful

customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more

disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to

their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't

anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered

to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless

shower of *******s you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of

distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

British Telecom - ****ers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons

of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless

inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and

foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that

you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for

the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to

deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and

disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused

rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my

cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for

both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not

become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the

time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did

not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them

the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless

employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you

irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

John

I love that letter, what a guy :bow: :bow:

crying!

 

:rofl:

Indian, I think thats the best post youve ever put up :D

 

 

I'd like to shake that mans hand, well, after he's cleaned the cat shite from it :rofl:

chunk i bet you thought i was gonna complain about this site lol

LMFAO!!!

 

i remember when i had my NTL put in, 2 engineers come out to fit it

 

"sorry m8 but their is a blockage under the street sumwhere, need to get my boss to check it"

"ohh ok, fair enough"

 

i wait 5 hours for him to turn up

 

"hi im jsut gona check the blockage"

"ok"

 

a few mins later....

 

"yea its deff blocked, ill need to call another engineer to look at it"

"hold on, 3 people have looked at it and now it will take another person?

"yea, sorry m8 its how we work"

 

wait 2 weeks

 

"hi ive come to check the blockage"

"ok just sort it, cose im getting pissed off now"

"right its still blocked so i need to call out a construction team to dig the road up"

"OH FFS!!!

 

any way it takes 5 weeks and 5 different engineers to sort my internet out and they never dug the road up just poked about a bit and freeded the blockage.

 

they also cancelled the original install without telling me

 

****ING NTL TOSSPOTS!!

Go man go, what a letter :bow: :bow:

chunk i bet you thought i was gonna complain about this site lol

 

I must admit i thought that when i saw the title :rofl:

That letter DID actually arrive in NTLs complaints dept...

 

I was working for NTL at the time, there was uproar about it, not because of the service the guy had, but because the letter was sent to a local paper to be published lmao.

 

they are still shite

Fecking awesome!!! I take it you don't work for them anymore T-Pot? That letter deserves to be framed!!

Outstanding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :smash: :smash: :smash:

Fecking awesome!!! I take it you don't work for them anymore T-Pot? That letter deserves to be framed!!

 

 

no bloody fear mate.....

not sure if it is still up, but there was once a web site, i think it was something like nthell.something.

 

started up by a pi55ed off customer, that soon became a huge website full of upset people.

 

ntl tried many times i believe to close it without any joy

Seen it before, Its still funny and true ! :x: :tongue:

tears in my eyes from that!

top draw!!! lol

I always start my complaint letters with "Dear Cretins...."

:bow: :bow: :bow: :bow: :bow:

 

Nuff sed

thats superb

ntl are a useless shower of shite and anyone who disagrees is wrong! (unless they have seriously cleaned up their act since i was a customer)

 

if i'd had a shit day at work i'd get home and give them a call and complain about something or other (could always find something) so i could vent some steam instread making holes in the doors/walls.

It took me 8 months to get my NTL disconnected after giving them 2 months notice before I was moving. The phone line was still on for 6 months after I left the property even though I was ringing them and sending them letters to tell them I'd left. They still carried on sending me bills for months after.......NTL are shite!

this is turning into the ntl complaints forum

classic......