A poem to cheer your day along...

 

Mary had a little skirt

With slits right up the sides

And everytime she crossed her legs

The boys could see her thighs

 

Mary had another skirt

With a slit right up the front

 

She never wore that one...

mary had a litle lamb

she washed it in her basin

sliped on a bar of soap

and smashed her fookin face in

 

 

 

mary had a little bike

she rode it back to front

and everytime she pulled the brake

the seat shot up her coont

 

jack and jill went up the hill to play with jills f4nny

jack got a shock with a mouthfull of c0ck

cos jills a fookin tranny

 

mary has a little lamb

and also had a duck

norman had a crocodile

who ate the fookers up

 

will try and think of some more later

:D :D Nice ones

THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER

 

8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday.

8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants, open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.

9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.

10.00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer.

10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.

12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.

12.45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17kg.

1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.

3.00 Nap.

4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.

4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk,

who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.

5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.

7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.

10.00 Hot shower (alone).

10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen).

11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

 

 

THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM

6.00 Alarm.

6.15 Blow job.

6.30 Massive satisfying sh*t while reading the sports section.

7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her growler

7.30 Limo arrives.

7.45 Several Beers en-route to airport.

9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet.

9.30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route).

9.45 Play front nine - 2 under.

11.45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.

12.15 Blow job.

12.30 Play back nine - 4 under.

2.15 Limo ! back to the airport (Several Rumbos).

2.30 Fly to Cairns.

3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers.

4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle.

5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Imogen Bailey (bending over...naturally).

6.45 Shit, Shower and Shave.

7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; cannabis legalised.

7.30 Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.

9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch the World Cup, England win.

9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies... some bending (over).

11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale.

11.30 A night cap blow job.

11.45 In bed alone.

11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room

11.51 Laugh yourself to sleep.

Pmsl

how do you what my day entails, Have you being folowing me?

Jack took Jill up the hill

to woo her and mate her

Jack had his thrill.

Jill had no pill

guess what came 9 months later.

Mary had a little sheep,

With that sheep she went to sleep.

The sheep turned out to be a ram,

And that how Mary had her little lam!

 

;)

You just can't top the master at these - Andrew Dice Clay :bow:

 

http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/entertainers/comic/andrew-dice-clay/

Little miss muffet sat on a tuffet

wan**ng with a dildo the size of an arm

allong came a nig**r who's cock was much bigger

and did her some perment harm

There was a young man from nantucket

who had such a large c*ck

he could suck it

he said with a grin

while chewing his foreskin

if my ear was a c*nt

i'd f*ck it.

Pmsl!!!!!