Just some light humour :)

 

1. My licence is in the glovebox. I can't reach it unless you hold my beer.

 

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

 

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

 

4. Hey, you must've been doing about 150 mph to keep up with my zed. Well done!

 

5. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

 

6. You're not gonna check the boot, are you?

 

7. I pay your salary!

 

8. That’s great, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning too!

 

9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

 

10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

Fook O** you C***. My Granny Looks harder than you & she has been dead for 25 years.

I was in the middle of the road cos on my license it says "tear down dotted line"!!

What has four legs and a coont half way up its back??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Police Horse.

Just some light humour :)

 

 

 

7. I pay your salary!

 

 

 

I get this EVERY day

How about "so officer when are you gonna take that 12" black dildo out of your arse!!"

 

Or "Oh dear your wife shaggin around again and your avin to spank your monkey yourself !! " Funnily enough they both got me points a fine and a thorough search of me motor but i fookin hate authority abusers !!

I was in the middle of the road cos on my license it says "tear down dotted line"!!

:rofl: :rofl: LOVE IT!!

I get this EVERY day

please dont tell me you are an officer of the law!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can't the Old Bill drive Zeds too?

yes there are a few on here tbh just dont want to get caught by them :p

ref the traffic police:

You don't join the river police unless you like boats,

you don't join the mounted police unless you like horses,

and you don't join the traffic police unless you have a real grudge against humanity!

"Would I mind blowing in that bag ?

 

Why ?

 

Are your chips hot ?"

It wasnt me officer, The cars automatic!!!

please dont tell me you are an officer of the law!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Jesus no, i work for the council, but every day i get some jumped up little tw@t telling me he pays my wages...its so bad, that i even carry an old wage slip with me, and then produce it saying they short paid me, can i have it now

Have you got a light??

My spliffs just gone out.

What do you mean I can't park here officer??? It says fine for parking!!!!

 

or as I once said when pulled over for doing 42 in a 30 zone:

 

"Shouldn't you be out catching real criminals???"

Anyone heard the rectum stretcher one...

 

Cop: "Any reason why you were drivng that quickly sir...?"

Driver: "I'm late for work officer!"

Cop: "So what is it you do?"

Driver "I'm a Rectum Stretcher"

Cop: "A rectum stretcher...?"

Driver: "Yes, A Rectum Stretcher"

Cop: "And what exactly does a Rectum Stretcher Do?"

Driver: "Well I take my finger, Insert it, then slowly move it from side to side. I do this repeatedly untill the rectum stretches to 6ft"

Cop: "Good God!!! What use could anyone have with a 6ft ass hole...?"

Driver: "Give him a speed gun and stand him behind a tree!"

:tongue:

Fpmsl :rofl:

 

J

To be honest I think this thread is quite funny!! I'm a cop and I really hope I dont give you guys the wrong impression. I'm a fair guy and I take the law seriously but I do have a sense of humour. At the end of the day we're here to help and, yes, it's unfortunate that some of us take it far too seriously, but we aint all bad!

 

Take care people, keep them zeds in top condition!

To be honest I think this thread is quite funny!! I'm a cop and I really hope I dont give you guys the wrong impression. I'm a fair guy and I take the law seriously but I do have a sense of humour. At the end of the day we're here to help and, yes, it's unfortunate that some of us take it far too seriously, but we aint all bad!

 

Take care people, keep them zeds in top condition!

I agree but you still have to do your job and take it seriously and someone has to do it!

Without Police what would the World be like to live in?;)

Police "I want your name"

driver "what am I going to use"