NZR:Football Headlines

Had this sent to me today, made me laugh and I thought I would share it with you.

15 Football Headlines You Won't See

In 2002.

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1.Money no object for big spending Villa.

2.Cow's arse in danger from Heskey's banjo

3.Smith must be more competitive

insists O'Leary.

4.New Wembley ahead of schedule and

under budget.

5.Neville the hero as England lift World Cup.

6.Bowyer converts to Islam.

7.Another Akinblyi hat-trick saves Foxes from drop.

8.Another Heskey hat-trick wins title for Liverpool.

9.Woodgate named sports personality

of the year.

10.Wenger has clear view of incident.

11.Bassett named as Fergie's successor.

12.Our defence is priority claims Keegan.

13.Larson goal drought continues.

14.Dyer: I'm gay

15.Yorke: i'm with Kieron.

January:Actress Elizabeth Hurley tells a shocked world that the father of

her unborn child is the Ipswich Town manager,and the tot will be given the

name Hurley-Burley.

February:Bolton's slide down the Premiership table is explained when its

discovered that opposing defenders have been taking

Vitamin D tablets to counteract Rickets.

March:Paul Ince is arrested for leaving the scene of an accident after

Arsene Wenger catches the Middlesbrough captain crashing into his

car,causing damage to the front bumper.However the case collapsed

when in Court Wenger admitted

'I did not see the incey dent'

April isappointing ticket sales for the Spice Girls reunion tour begin to

soar when its announced that in tribute to her husband Victoria Beckham will

start the concert on the bench.

May:The mighty Arsenal win the title,but at least Teddy Sheringham

and Les Ferdinand book Tottenham's

place in Europe,they'll be going on

a cheese tasting coach trip round Belgium.

June:Following 3 straight defeats by Cameroon Germany and Saudi

Arabia,distraught Ireland boss Mick

McCarthy flies home after the World Cup first round.

Impressed the Scottish FA offer him Craig Brown's old job.

July:In the annual pre-season spending spree,Aston Villa Chairman Doug Ellis

raids Burnley for some second hand kits,so he won't have to fork out for a

new set.

August:The new season begins with Liverpool kicking off in front of a

capacity crowd,Man Utd kicking off in front of an expectant Old Trafford,and

Leeds United kicking off in front of Majesty's night club.

September:The hunt fot Bin Laden seems over when the FBI arrest a much

disliked bearded man,who achieved infamy for wrecking the twin towers.Ken

Bates was later released without charge.

October;Israel Prime Minister Ariel Shannon names Dwight Yorke as Israel's

new defence minister after his successful incursions into Jordan.

November:The Queen Mother dies and as a mark of respect Chelsea players on a

drinking session lower their trousers to half mast.

December:A Police report reveals a huge increase in drunk and disorderly

arrests at Upton Park.

Glenn Roeder says West Ham will try

to hold their Xmas party elsewhere next year.

Regards

JOHN