Copied from an E-Mail doing the rounds...

 

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?

 

AT&T FIRED President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked

intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package.

Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

 

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:

 

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a

gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear

gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them

in the police line, shouting "Come out and give yourself up."

 

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???

 

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and

forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein

the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

 

4. THE GETAWAY!

 

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money

in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the

store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police

showed up and grabbed him.

 

5. DID I SAY THAT???

 

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just

couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man

in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll

shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

 

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

 

A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her

contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the

doctor asked. "No!", the man shouted, "This is her husband!".

 

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!

 

In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to

hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used his thumb

and index finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep

his hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)

 

8. THE GRAND FINALE

 

Last summer, in Newport Beach, some new boaters were having a problem.

No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22ft.

Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very

sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied.

After about an hour they putted to a nearby marina, thinking

someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check

revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine,

the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check the bottom. He

came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE.... Under the boat, still strapped securely in

place, was the trailer!

 

Herman

Nice, brings a smile to my face

They're still funny even though I've seen them all before.

 

The latter one has been amended and sent to me as a Blonde Joke as well, with "some new boaters" replaced by "a blonde".

 

Strange that most people seem to think it's hilarious to send me blonde jokes, little realising that the rest of the world and his wife have had the same idea...