Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the

words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the

testimonials of a some one who did....

 

FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three

kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo

and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went

back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

 

SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds

of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the

good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could

help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like

playing with men's

balls."

 

THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a

store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at

the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any

help. I replied, "No, thanks, I'm just looking at your nuts." My

sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned

beet-red and walked away.

 

To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

 

FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler

decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally

able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and

annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start

behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked

me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, If you don't

let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing

Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this

enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were

doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the

bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door

closed behind me were screams of laughter.

 

FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many

times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty

training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell

for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full

dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of

course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then

I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I

asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh

Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes

with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an

accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW he must have had an

accident, because the smell was getting worse.

 

Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread

his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people

nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up

his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better by

thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

 

LAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2

days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the

future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you

predict snow but don't get any...a true story... We had a female

news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and

didn't, turned to the

weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised

me last night?"

 

Not only did HE have to leave the set but half the crew did too they

were laughing so hard!

The one abt "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" gives me so much jokes. well done