Disaster in portsmouth (or if you live in portsmouth just replace with southampton)

 

 

A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Portsmouth in

the early hours of Monday 23RD February, 2004, with its epicentre at The

Tricorn, Charlotte Street, Portsmouth. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "it's mental mush" and "innit".

 

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of

damage, although the world's ugliest building, The Tricorn, seems

undamaged though no one can really tell.

 

Several priceless collections of the shittiest tat from Ibiza and Corfu

was damaged beyond repair in nearby homes. Three areas of historic

burnt out cars were disturbed and many locals were woken well before

their Giro arrived.

 

The Portsmouth Evening News reported that hundreds of residents were

confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact

that something interesting had happened in the area.

 

One resident, Tracy Sharon Barcadi, a 15 year old mother of 5 said "It

was such a shock. My little Chardonnay-Britney came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Chelsea-Megan slept through it all. I was still shaking and had to do a couple of lines of low

grade 'charlie' to calm my nerves whilst watching GMTV the next

morning."

 

Apparently though, shoplifting, drug dealing and car crime did carry on

as normal.

 

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny

Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are

still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of

personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from

Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from the Pound Shop.

 

 

How can we help? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing

parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after, the most needed include:

 

New York Yankees baseball caps

River Island jumpers

Kappa tracksuit tops (his & hers)

shell suits (female XXL)

white sports socks

Reebok trainers

and any other items usually sold in JJB sports.

 

Food parcels may be harder to come by but are needed all the Same.

Required foodstuffs include: microwave Meals

tins of baked beans

ice cream

cans of Carling Special Brew and Tennants Super Lager.

 

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2.00 buys

chips, crisps and blue Fizzy drinks for a family of nine. £5.00 will

pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those

affected.

 

 

Please do not send tents for shelter as the sight of sophisticated

housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas Leigh Park,

Paulsgrove and Gosport.

Was'nt this posted after the Birmingham earthquake???

Very apt. Sounds just like the Skates to me

i might pledge a TKMAXX if it would help the relief fund

I was down in Pompey last w/e, they have finally knocked down the Tricorn :dance:

perhaps it was just the earthquake?

This is a very old one written about Basildon.

 

Still puts a smile on the face though