Your having a cheese party and everyone whos anyone is coming (In the high profile world of cheese of course), what cheese's do you bring out to tempt them into staying for the after cheese karaoke?

 

Its that age old question again and I'm sorry to bring it up once more, but I just want an answer this time, not like last time with all the bickering and that incident with the kippers.

What sort of person would ruin a good cheese party by having karaoke? :confused:

I like a bit of camembert, provided it's been well brought up. You just can't trust Brie to not goo on the crackers any more. Tintern's quite well behaved, though.

stiltons ok on ritz!

 

but the ladys prefer smegma :eek: :nelson:

Cant beat a nice chunk of soft feta, dont buy that crap in tescos etc, go to one of those wee mediterranean blokeys in market stalls, their stuff is usually ace.

 

A nice bit of gouda too :)

Pilgrims choice or Seriously strong mature cheddar ROCK !!!!!

Try a white stilton with apricots.... make sure you take it out of the fridge a couple of hours before eating.

 

Doesn't half make you go tho :-)

Primula, ham flavour of course...not that romping cheese and chive cackish! Oh and it has to be sampled on Carrs crackers, only the finest for my squeezy cheese and if I'm feeling really up for it I go up a level and have the Carrs with cheese crackers for that double dose of cheeseness. 'ave it! ;)

smoked applewood on jacobs crackers (with port or full bodied red wine). yummy!

smoked applewood on jacobs crackers (with port or full bodied red wine). yummy!

 

 

DITTO!!!! :)

Didn't know you were a port man Andy? LOL

LOL nah **** that, I was talkin about the cheese ffs :D Stella stella stella gimme more stella :D

LMFAO, that's more like it! We don't do romping PORT FFS! :)

Right, looks like

 

smoked applewood on jacobs crackers and a crate of Stella is the way forward with this one then. :duffer:

 

Anyone fancy a cheese party :D :rofl:

Do we have to wear our special hats too? :D

 

Andy,

 

MOCKERY OF THE CHEESE HATS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!

 

And yes, you will need to wear them.

I was talking about cheese hats, NOT your cheesy helmet :tongue: :rofl: ;) :D

PMSL@Andy.

 

Can someone explain the point of that Emental stuff with the holes in that doesn't even smell nevermind taste of f\/ck all!

and whats wrong with my cheesy helmet?

Nice bit of French cheese please.

 

http://www.frencheese.co.uk/cheeses/strong.cfm

 

Vous ne pouvez pas betterave un fromage français de bon stong sur lepain grillé aux oignons français aussi.

 

say fook-mi-table!! LOL

Cheesy Helmets all round then ????

I've got the munchies now....Hmmm just remembered the Mrs went shopping at Sainsburys last night and she always gets the small sample packs of cheese for me so as I am typing this I am eating Tolko Cream Cheese with Black Pepper, Red Leicester and Pilgrims Choice Classic mature OH and as an accompiant I also have Cold Baked Beans..... :D :D :D

Wensleydale?

Dolcholetti squished onto celery or mature Shropshire Blue on carrs water buscuits.

 

With a stonking good Port.

 

Or Stilton melted over pilchards in tomato on toast cut into triangles."Knockout"

Thats cheese and onion on toast BTW....not forgetting red sause...

 

with ham....god I'm ready for my lunch now LOL

And now....the obligatory Monty Python sketch :D :

 

(a customer walks in the door)

Customer: Good Morning.

 

Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium!

 

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

 

Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?

 

Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the public library on Thurmon Street just now, skimming through Rogue Herrys by Hugh Walpole, and I suddenly came over all peckish.

 

Owner: Peckish, sir?

 

Customer: Esuriant.

 

Owner: Eh?

 

Customer: 'Ee, ah wor 'ungry-loike!

 

Owner: Ah, hungry!

 

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little fermented curd will do the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some cheesy comestibles!

 

Owner: Come again?

 

Customer: I want to buy some cheese.

 

Owner: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!

 

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!

 

Owner: Sorry?

 

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

 

Owner: So he can go on playing, can he?

 

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some cheese please, my good man.

 

Owner: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

 

Customer: Well, eh, how about a little red Leicester.

 

Owner: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir.

 

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Tilsit?

 

Owner: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

 

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Caerphilly, if you please.

 

Owner: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

 

Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Bel Paese?

 

Owner: Sorry, sir.

 

Customer: Red Windsor?

 

Owner: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

 

Customer: Ah. Stilton?

 

Owner: Sorry.

 

Customer: Ementhal? Gruyere?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Any Norweigan Jarlsburg, per chance.

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Lipta?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Lancashire?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: White Stilton?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Danish Brew?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Double Goucester?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Cheshire?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Dorset Bluveny?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Brie, Roquefort, Pol le Veq, Port Salut, Savoy Aire, Saint Paulin, Carrier de lest, Bres Bleu, Bruson?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Camenbert, perhaps?

 

Owner: Ah! We have Camenbert, yessir.

 

Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.

 

Owner: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...

 

Customer: Oh, I like it runny.

 

Owner: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.

 

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither the fromage de la Belle France! Mmmwah!

 

Owner: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

 

Customer: I don't care how ****ing runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

 

Owner: Oooooooooohhh........!

 

Customer: What now?

 

Owner: The cat's eaten it.

 

Customer: Has he.

 

Owner: She, sir.

 

 

(pause)

Customer: Gouda?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Edam?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Case Ness?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Smoked Austrian?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Japanese Sage Darby?

 

Owner: No, sir.

 

Customer: You...do *have* some cheese, don't you?

 

Owner: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a cheese shop, sir. We've got--

 

Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

 

Owner: Fair enough.

 

Customer: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.

 

Owner: Yes?

 

Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

 

Owner: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.

 

 

 

(pause)

Customer: Greek Feta?

 

Owner: Uh, not as such.

 

Customer: Uuh, Gorgonzola?

 

Owner: no

 

Customer: Parmesan,

 

Owner: no

 

Customer: Mozarella,

 

Owner: no

 

Customer: Paper Cramer,

 

Owner: no

 

Customer: Danish Bimbo,

 

Owner: no

 

Customer: Czech sheep's milk,

 

Owner: no

 

Customer: Venezuelan Beaver Cheese?

 

Owner: Not *today*, sir, no.

 

 

 

(pause)

Customer: Aah, how about Cheddar?

 

Owner: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

 

Customer: Not much ca-- it's the single most popular cheese in the world!

 

Owner: Not 'round here, sir.

 

Customer: and what IS the most popular cheese 'round hyah?

 

Owner: 'Illchester, sir.

 

Customer: IS it.

 

Owner: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.

 

Customer: Is it.

 

Owner: It's our number one best seller, sir!

 

Customer: I see. Uuh...'Illchester, eh?

 

Owner: Right, sir.

 

Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

 

Owner: I'll have a look, sir...

.....nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

 

Customer: It's not much of a cheese shop, is it?

 

Owner: Finest in the district!

 

Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

 

Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir!

 

Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese....

 

Owner: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Limburger, sir.

 

Customer: Would it be worth it?

 

Owner: Could be....

 

Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!

 

Owner: Told you sir....

 

Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Limburger?

 

Owner: No.

 

Customer: Figures.Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:

 

Owner: Yessir?

 

Customer: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any cheese here at all.

 

Owner: Yes, sir.

 

Customer: Really?

 

 

 

(pause)

 

Owner: No. Not really, sir.

 

Customer: You haven't.

 

Owner: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.

 

Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

 

Owner: Right-Oh, sir.

 

 

 

(The customer takes out a gun and shoots the owner)

 

Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.