Don't waste money on expensive binoculars,

Just walk closer to the object you are viewing.

Don't waste money on expensive binoculars,

Just walk closer to the object you are viewing.

 

You might want to tell Mac that :p :rofl:

been reading the Viz have we Chris? :D

One of my favorites was "An old spectacle lens makes an ideal sunroof for a tortoise" :rofl:

Paul

i liked the "sneak a cadburys chocolate button between your missuses bum cheeks whiles she;s sleeping, in the morning she'll think she sh@t her pants"

"an empty cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an excellent substitute vibrator"

You might want to tell Mac that :p :rofl:

 

Just bought some today,looks like Ryan got me a cracking deal;)

 

 

http://www.buffeysbinoculars.co.uk/html/binoculars_5.html

Just bought some today,looks like Ryan got me a cracking deal;)

 

 

http://www.buffeysbinoculars.co.uk/html/binoculars_5.html

 

 

They must be for perving on the neighbours. Theres no other reason you would want them :D:D

They must be for perving on the neighbours. Theres no other reason you would want them :D:D

 

 

NO I never bought them for that LOL that's you and Baggins that have now said that LMAO:D

NO I never bought them for that LOL that's you and Baggins that have now said that LMAO:D

You will never find your hair with them Mac,they only see into the future not the past. :nelson: :bow: ;)

Just received all this lot via e-mail today :D (yes I know that some are repeats)

 

MAKE bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside at Blackpool by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and some human poo into the bath.

 

MOTORISTS - enjoy the freedom of cycling by removing your windscreen , sticking half a mellon skin on your head, then jumping red lights and driving the wrong way up one way streets.

 

EARN big money by displaying a "How's my driving?" sign on your car along with a 0906 number from BT at £1.50 a minute. Then simply drive round town like a complete idiot.

 

CREATE instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron filings.

 

FOOL passers by into thinking you have a bird of prey by wearing a gauntlet, waiving a piece of raw meat in your hand and constantly looking up into the sky.

 

DON'T waste money on expensive binoculars. Just stand closer to the object you wish to view.

 

THICKEN up low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a sponful of lard.

 

HOUSEWIVES - when nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

 

Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your loft.

 

POWER companies. After a power cut always wait until midnight before turning the power back on again. That way everybody's videos and alarm clocks will automatically reset.

 

AN odour eater in a jock strap makes a handy gas mask to protect yourself in the event of a terrorist, chemical or biological attack.

 

WEIGHT watchers - pay someone to walk behind you eating fire or swallowing swords to divert attention from your fat body.

 

SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to a charity shop. They will wash them and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.

 

SUCK the eyes from attacking zombies with a black and decker "Dustbuster". The zombies can then be dispatched by the usual method.

 

CONFUSE shopkeepers by buying a sheet of wrapping paper and asking them to wrap it.

 

A length of plastic drainpipe with a roller skate on each end makes an ideal car for snakes.

 

MINOR skin grafts can be performed on pigs by covering cuts and grazes with strips of bacon.

 

CAN'T afford contact lenses ? simply cut out small circles of cling film and press them to your eyes.

 

STOP bread from drying out by keeping it in a bucket of water.

 

SAVE money on personalised number plates by changing your name to match your existing plate.

 

HAVING trouble getting one of those baseball caps with the peak on the back ? Just get one with the peak on the front, cut it off and sew it on the back.

 

POP teabags in your hot water tank and you can have a hot cuppa anytime by just turning on a tap.

 

AVOID jet lag by taking off on an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

 

STOP car thieves by syphoning off all your petrol whenever you park and store it in a suitable store facility.

 

FELLAS - next time you have to wrap up a present. Don't. Instead give it to your wife or girlfriend to do and go to the pub.

 

WHY pay for expensive jig-saw puzzles ? Just take a bag of frozen chips and try making whole potatoes.

 

KEEP a pound of lard in your pocket so that if you get your head stuck in raillings you'll be able to grease your ears and slide out.

 

DETER goldfish from having sex by throwing a small bucket of air over any you catch in the act.

 

ACTION men embedded in half a grapefruit make adult size Subbuteo players.

 

DISCOURAGE pigeons from sitting on your roof by tethering a cat to your TV ariel.

why waste money on expensive ribbed condoms.. just use a normal one and fill it with frozen peas!

 

EARN big money by displaying a "How's my driving?" sign on your car along with a 0906 number from BT at £1.50 a minute. Then simply drive round town like a complete idiot.

 

 

 

HOUSEWIVES - when nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

 

 

 

FELLAS - next time you have to wrap up a present. Don't. Instead give it to your wife or girlfriend to do and go to the pub.

 

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

why waste money on expensive ribbed condoms.. just use a normal one and fill it with frozen peas!

Or you could just get some genital warts!! :xxx: :xxx:

save money by not changing that kitchen lightbulb......let the bitch cook in the dark!