Resignation :D

Long winded but worth a read. Well it made me chuckle :D

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Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers,

USA, to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

Dear Mr. Baker,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few

Very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors

Have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After

Your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the

commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the

few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance

Of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a

waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I

know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently

hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch

you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the

hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple

As binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand

why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even

though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an

IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in

others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may

have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,

you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your

glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the

blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you

are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a

Full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however

I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal

for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me

is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over

the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would

be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I

know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide

to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently

saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do

believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by

the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's

birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to

take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase

them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen

such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those

have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing

letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having

to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation

On my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your

little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f***

with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with

all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

Cecelia