A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.

The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire."

The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"

The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."

The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance old man. So, just to be fair I will give you a head start."

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits.

The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

"Dammit...third gay rooster I bought this month."

 

 

 

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.

 

"How many children?"

 

"10"

 

"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?"

 

"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"

 

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

 

"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

 

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the peturbed council worker.

 

"That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their Surnames"

 

 

:p

A farmer who wanted to get a divorce paid a visit to lawyer:

 

Lawyer: How can I help you?

Farmer: I want to get one of them dayvorces

 

Lawyer: Do you have any grounds?

Farmer: Yes, I got 40 acres

 

Lawyer: No, you don't understand, do you have a suit?

Farmer: Yes, I got a suit, I wears it to church on Sundays

 

Lawyer: No, no I mean do you have a case?

Farmer: No, I aint got a case, but I got a John Deere

 

Lawyer: No, I mean, do you have a grudge?

Farmer: Yes, I got a grudge, that's where I parks the John Deere

 

Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up or something?

Farmer: No we both get up at 4:30

 

Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?

Farmer: No, she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger and that's why I wants a dayvorce

:D :Dlol :D

all rubbish except rooster, v v funny