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Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this today after Hu

Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.

 

 

HU'S ON FIRST?

 

 

> > By James Sherman

 

 

 

(We take you now to the Oval Office.)

 

 

George Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's

 

happening?

 

 

Condi (Bush's advisor): Sir, I have the report

 

here about the new leader of China.

 

 

George: Great. Lay it on me.

 

 

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

 

 

George: That's what I want to know.

 

 

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

 

 

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the

 

new leader of China?

 

 

Condi: Yes.

 

 

George: I mean the fellow's name.

 

 

Condi: Hu.

 

 

George: The guy in China.

 

 

Condi: Hu.

 

 

George: The new leader of China.

 

 

Condi: Hu.

 

 

George: The Chinaman!

 

 

Condi: Hu is leading China.

 

 

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

 

 

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

 

 

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

 

 

Condi: That's the man's name.

 

 

George: That's whose name?

 

 

 

Condi: Yes.

 

 

 

George: Will you or will you not tell me the

 

name of the new leader of

 

China?

 

 

Condi: Yes, sir.

 

 

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I

 

thought he was in the Middle East.

 

 

 

Condi: That's correct.

 

 

 

George: Then who is in China?

 

 

 

Condi: Yes, sir.

 

 

 

George: Yassir is in China?

 

 

 

Condi: No, sir.

 

 

 

George: Then who is?

 

 

 

Condi: Yes, sir.

 

 

 

George: Yassir?

 

 

 

Condi: No, sir.

 

 

 

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of

 

the new leader of China.

 

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

 

 

Condi: Kofi?

 

 

 

George: No, thanks.

 

 

Condi: You want Kofi?

 

 

 

George: No.

 

 

 

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

 

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could

 

use a glass of milk. And

 

then get me the U.N.

 

 

 

Condi: Yes, sir.

 

 

 

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

 

 

 

Condi: Kofi?

 

 

 

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

 

 

 

Condi: And call who?

 

 

 

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

 

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

 

 

 

George: Will you stay out of China?!

 

Condi: Yes, sir.

 

 

 

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just

 

get me the guy at the U.N.

 

 

 

Condi: Kofi.

 

 

 

George: All right! With cream and two sugars.

 

Now get on the phone.

 

 

 

(Condi picks up the phone.)

 

 

 

Condi: Rice, here.

 

 

 

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg

 

rolls, too. Maybe we should

 

send some to the guy in China. And the Middle

 

East. Can you get Chinese

 

food in the Middle East?

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