One for all you IT bods out there!!!!!

 

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the shepherd: "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

 

The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

 

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

 

The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep."

 

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks: "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

 

The young man answers, "Yes, why not?"

 

The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant."

 

"How did you know?" asks the young man.

 

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don't understand anything about my business... Now can I have my dog back?"

 

LMAO

 

Nick

:cool:

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

 

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.

 

Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

 

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

 

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

 

 

And while I was looking for the above I found an IT joke that's new to me at least:

 

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, I'll have a C monkey please. The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be £5000."

 

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?"

 

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

 

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?"

 

"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

 

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

 

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager.

 

Both stolen from http://www.c-wilkie.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jokes/computing_jokes1.html

 

Cheers - Gio