Had this text to me today and made me chuckle......

 

Farmer to his wife; "If you had bigger tits, we could get rid of the cow"

Wife to farmer; "If you had a bigger dick, we could get rid of the tractor driver".

 

ha ha :D

 

you want another?

Originally posted by james300

 

you want another?

 

NO !;) :D

American, Russian and an Irishman are in a pub duscussing space travel. The American pipes up and says they lead the way, Neil Armstrong and all that.

Russian says that his country are at the forefront of technology and are the force to be reckoned with.

Irishman rubbishes what the other 2 have said and says that the Irish are sending a shuttle up to land on the sun, being the 1st ever to do so.

The American and Russian both agree that the poor astronaut would burn to a cinder before getting anywhere near.

Irishman says...........

" We're not THAT daft..........we'd send him up at NIGHT!"

LMFAO. I prefered the last one.

Two fris rotties are sitting at the vet and they start chatting to each

other in dog language. So one says to the other. So why you here. So he

says "I'm here to get neutered". So the other one says really why? So the

one that's getting neutered says the other nite his owner and the girlfriend

were going hell for leather on the rug in front of the fire and I got all

turned on as only a man would. Then when the fire died down the girlfriend

got up to stoke the fire and while she was bending over I saw her malawakee

pie looking straight at me so I got up jumped on her and gave her my best

shot. And as a result of that I'm here to get neutered. Why you here?

 

The second rottie says pretty much the same reason. So the first rottie

says so you're also getting neutered. The second rottie says no I'm just

here to get my nails clipped.

Farmers convention in the where farmers from the world over.

An American and a British farmer are talking and the British farmer asks.

 

"How bigs your farm then?"

 

"Well put it this way boyo. I can get up at the crack of dawn, get in my car with a full tank of gas and I can drive until the afternoon, then re-gas and keep driving untill sunset and I will still be in my farm land.

 

Then British farmer replied

"I have a car like that too"

 

BOOM BOOM!

 

 

Next one.

 

Boy and his dad in a chemist, when the boy sees a condom on the shelf and asks what it is. Not wanting to lie to his son he told him.

"Its a concom, son. Men use them when they want to have safe sex" He replied.

"Oh." The boy said "Well whats that then?" pointing to a 3 pack of condoms.

"That is a singles man's condom pack." his dad informed. "1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday and 1 for Sunday"

"Oh!" The boy replied, and pointing to a 6 pack asked "Whats that?"

His dad told him "Thats a young couples condom pack. 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday and 2 for Sunday."

Finally the young boy pointed to a 12 pack of condoms and asked "What are these then"

"Ahhh!" his dad said while putting them in his basket. "These are a married mans condom set. 1 for January, 1 for February.........."

 

 

Boom Boom!

 

Stuart