NZR - Heaviest Element Discovered

Look, it's got nothing to do with the great administrators this forum's lucky enough to have (grovel, grovel) - but I thought this might appeal to those of us who have to deal with more traditional administrators / sales prevention officers / jobsworths etc:

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium."

Administratium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Administratium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay but instead, undergoes a reorganisation, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Aministratium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation causes some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referenced to as "Critical Morass."

You will know it when you see it.