Sorry peeps, Jackanory time

 

Since I split from my Ex Wife in 2003 we've got on fairly well considering. Well last year after getting engaged to her 'bloke' a couple of Xmas' ago I suddenly found out that they had split up! So that she could move out she asked me if I'd give her a hand moving and obtain a van and drive it for her. I thought why not, we get on OK still so no problem. As we were arriving at her new place she suddenly said to me that there might be someone waiting there to meet her! It suddenly hit me...... she'd done the same to her new bloke as she'd done to me..... cheated! Stupid cow! I'm not bothered about her, and not all that bothered about him, but it's the kids that she's messing about just for her own selfish reasons.

 

Anyway she's seeing a new bloke so that's her business. I was a little pee'd off because she asked me to have a day off work and help her, but her new bloke didn't bother! Charming!

 

Anyway, to the point of this post..... 'Things' between us have seemed to go down-hill ever since, not because it bothered me, but her attitude towards me, and I'm not entirely sure why although I have a hunch (NO! not the Quasimodo type of hunch!! ;) ) Anyway sometimes I have to work Saturdays, and as I have the kids stop over every other weekend I try to avoid those weekends. Well a few months ago I had to work one of the Saturdays that I had the kids and asked my Ex if i could pick the kids up late on the Saturday afternoon instead of the Friday, to which she went off on one and started moaning that I don't take my responsibilities seriously (WTF???!!!) and she point blank refused to help me out.

 

Now in the meantime I've had my kids over for a full week while she went on holiday with her new bloke (arranged prior to the above incident) I've also arranged to have them for two weeks in the summer school holidays (as i do every year) Well today I've just received a text that reads.....

 

"I need u 2 av the kids on 29th aug 4 a wk plZ as paul is takin me away 4 wk as a thx 4 holl in may and late birthday treat"

 

WTF!!!!! Is she taking he piss or what? The cheeky cow, I've not had a holiday for five bloody years, and she wants to have two in one year and both without the kids, and just to expect me to drop everything for her so she can enjoy herself? Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to bits and would love for them to live with me permanently, but it's just not practical while they at the ages that they are, but I don't see why I should help her out.

 

Is it just me or does her text sound a little out of order? Am I being a little bit touchy?

 

I await some interesting replies........ ;)

Edited July 13, 201015 yr by Daves_Zed
added 'wife' to the EX bit, lol

I see your predicament Dave, and it's an awkward one. she is using the Kids for her own selfish gain (Like a lot of Women do) and it's them that will be caught in the middle.

Do you bow down and have them, or stand your ground and say NO? if it's the latter, then you know and I know that she will spit her dummy out, and probably refuse to let you have them for a good while as punishment. ROCK & HARD Place come to mind mate. Best of luck with whatever you decide mate. :(

been there done and got the t-shirt mate .

i get it all the time from the x . every situation is different so only you can decide on what to do .

good luck

I'd say that your away that week!

I would arrange for you both to go on Jeremy Kyle and see what he makes of it.

 

But on a serious note if I was in your position I would say have the kids for that week because we all know how poisonous women are - will only make it harder for you in the long run. Just wait till they are 18 and leave home then terrorise her and cause absolute chaos

My first thought was you had a lucky escape mate!! lol Second thought was you're a bigger person than a lot could be and seem to have been pretty mature about the whole thing cos you see what's important, your relationship with your kids ;)

 

If I was you I would see if I could get the week off but let her know politely that you need more notice to get time off work in the future and make the most with your time with you kids :) At the end of the day depending on how old your kids are, they'll realise that you stood in to look after them while she was off enjoying herself.

 

Vijay

Spend the time with the kids fella, Whatever her motives are thats her problem and her loss, as when the kids get older they will see her for who she really is! Spend as much time with your kids as you can as they need you. (speaking from experience as i never knew my dad)

 

Craig

I say take the kids mate, if you only get to see them once a fortnight then surely any extra time is a bonus, and if you were to say no then do you think she would cancel her holiday...or just make the kids go stay with someone else instead of you?

I would take the opportunity when replying to her txt to remind her of the time she wasn't so accommodating for you and tell her that you expect her to be more understanding of your work (and other) commitments in the same way you are accommodating her holidays and helping her out when she wants to flit from one guys place to another and say that you will try to arrange the time off and get back to her, then let her wait a few days before you confirm.

Its never easy bud, but you know you have to be there for the kids and they will see you are there when the mother goes of on one, but do have a word with her as she is using you and needs to see your points of view. Good luck Dave

Mate I thought you two had got back together properly. sorry to hear it didn't work out (again) - perhaps that tells you something though, maybe it just wasn't to be... For reasons obvious to a small handful of people I'm going to sit on the fence on this one but just as a 'joke' tell her she's not taking her responsibilities seriously... :x: :x: (ps. it wasn't me that said that ;) )

Firstly thanks guys for you honesty. I'm currently split as to what to do though.

 

Mate I thought you two had got back together properly. sorry to hear it didn't work out (again) - perhaps that tells you something though, maybe it just wasn't to be... For reasons obvious to a small handful of people I'm going to sit on the fence on this one but just as a 'joke' tell her she's not taking her responsibilities seriously... :x: :x: (ps. it wasn't me that said that ;) )

 

Secondly... Dave... What??? ;) Not Karen you plonker!!! :rofl: I'm on about my Ex wife, I've not married Karen (yet :confused: )

I've gota tell Karen this, she love it!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl:

Secondly... Dave... What??? ;) Not Karen you plonker!!! :rofl: I'm on about my Ex wife, I've not married Karen (yet :confused: )

I've gota tell Karen this, she love it!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl:

 

:rofl: :rofl: you didn't say ex-wife you nob you just said ex! :hammer:

:rofl: :rofl: you didn't say ex-wife you nob you just said ex! :hammer:

 

:rofl: :rofl: :tt2:

Hi Dave ... can I just butt in and say that I think your ex will do what she wants regardless ... in defence of women we're not all that way. I started my life four times and Tony is the best thing that ever happened to me EVER xx At the end of the day you need to do what is right by the kids. They are who are important here. And time with them will only be positive and bring you closer for future years. And that's worth it every time!

Dave, simply write back 'no'. :)

Spend the time with the kids fella, Whatever her motives are thats her problem and her loss, as when the kids get older they will see her for who she really is! Spend as much time with your kids as you can as they need you. (speaking from experience as i never knew my dad)

Craig

Craig is bob on mate :wink:

Am on my 2nd divorce sadly, but my 1st was also a reasonably friendly time and I took every oppurtunity to see my kids. They are adults now and remember those times very well and I know for a fact they love and respect me all the more for it :thumbup1:

 

This time round however is a different matter, I see them as per a court order and even then this ex pushes it all the time to stop me being with them. Stupidly she thinks that because they are very young that they won't ever know any difference or grow up knowing what she is doing. 4 year olds may not be able to read and write properly, but by christ they know what is going on at home and 1 day i'll stand back and watch when a slap of reality hits her......

 

Oh and sure you've noticed the internet is awash with fathers for justice websites, don't see any for women do yer? :whistling:

 

In short, a lot of men would happily be in your shoes, so just see your kids fella and every other chance you can too.

smithy

I must admit i was as confused as skyline dave :lol:

 

The way i see your ex is that she treats the kids like an accessory and when she feels like having them. She doesn't come across as a very good parent.

 

From what i've seen of you at the meets with your kids you have always come across as a good guy dave and a good parent and you don't really deserve the way she's treated you.

 

I would text back and say that you will not just take weeks off of your holiday to look after the kids just so she can go on holiday herself. You love the kids and enjoy spending time with them but her doing that is not on.

 

The other option is you take yourself and the kids on your own holiday but i know that from what we've talked about that really isn't an option at the moment :(

Spend the time with the kids fella, Whatever her motives are thats her problem and her loss, as when the kids get older they will see her for who she really is! Spend as much time with your kids as you can as they need you. (speaking from experience as i never knew my dad)

 

Craig

 

Yep.Thats the whole point. Nail on head!

They are your kids(and having met them...fab kids)

Spend as much time as you can with them.

 

FunkySi Dave, simply write back 'no'.

 

Something tells me that you dont have kids Si. If you did you would never have written that.

Thanks peeps for all the answers here I really appreciate it. It's especially good to have a ladies point of view as well (I know not all women are the same as I also know that not all dad's deserve to be either)

 

OK, sorry for the confusion on the Ex/Ex Wife bit, I'll amend it ;)

There is, of course, information missing from this as I didn't want to make myself sound like some super human dad or something. I actually have my kids over here as much as is humanly possible, and I speak to them on the phone every single evening. I have them extra nights now and again as well, in fact a few months back I had them over for five consecutive weekends. My Ex is paid exactly what she is due on time every month without fail.

Now I don't brag about that, it's just fact, it's what I said I'd do from day one.

The thing is that my kids know what their mum is like. we talk about how things are, and I'd never slag her off in front of them, and I'd always tell either of them off if they ever did in any way. I believe in trying to bring them up as best as I can even though I'm not there with them.

I'm nothing special though as I'm sure there are loads of dads that are just the same, and fair play to them. :bow:

 

Well I've finally text her back with an explanation stating that she already knows when I'm off during the summer, and that I actually can't take the extra time off as I have to work my holiday period around everyone else's at work, so it's just not possible now. I'm awaiting a 'snotty' reply! ;)

 

We'll see........

Mate

I feel for you.your kids are what matters and all you can do is spend as much time with them as you possibly can . You also need to do what works for you and your kids so try as hard as you can to sort it out. Please remind her that you have sorted this out for them and not her and maybe next time when you need the favour she shouldnt be such an unhelpfull spoilt *****

good luck and do what your heart tells you and your kids will grow up knowing that you are the one that tried your best !!

 

Kurt

Sounds to me like the new fella doesn't want anything to do with the kids or to spend time it money on them imo. If your working say no. If u are off why not take them, show them some fun for a week

Tell her to F@*k off!!

Dave, Hi Mate,

It's tough being Papa Bear, i know i had to get police/courts involved to get my kids away from my ex as she had shacked up with a cannabis user who used to light up when they were around. I even told the police where his dealer lived.

You got to do what is best for the KIDS , and if that means saying no, well say no. she's using you LR and C, but you have your life as well, and she know's when your hols are, if she gets away with this, who knows..thin edge of the wedge.

 

Its not all doom and gloom, both my kids have grown up, one has had kids of her own, the other one is just having a good time, One thing is , they'll always love you no matter what you have done, Just remember you BOTH are parents, and that means shared responsibility, not one sided..

 

Rich

my soon to be hubby (yes im getting married whooop whooop) has the same problem with his ex at the moment, he has his son every friday night without fail and since being with me he has him as much as possible, which i dont mind as i have 4 already and one more makes no difference to me but she is doing the same sending texts asking if we'd have him so she can go to music festivals and away with her bloke on holiday who dumped her as soon as they got back. we dont mind having him but we know that if we were to say no, she'd only dump him on one of her friends.

 

He is only ten years old but already he has his opinions of his mother and wants to come live with us, so yours will make their own opinions too, spend as much time as you can with your kids i say, i sometimes wish my ex would take as much interest in my boys but im happy because of what a :xxx: / :asshole: he is im quite glad he doesnt.

Send this reply back, she may understanding it better than if you use the queens English.

 

"Lo luv. I 8 2 B A pain but dont U fink U shud consida askin if I am able to take the kidz 1st B4 tellin me that I need 2 av them?.

If U learn to giv out respect U get a lot mor back."

Can go one of two ways with it.

 

1. Tell her "NO" and that she should take her responsibility as a mother seriously and look after her kids or take them with her.

 

And then will insue tit for tat arguments and fights and no one really wins and the kids wont get what they really need, a good share of everyones time.

 

2. Say "YES" and enjoy your time with your kids that you dont get to have that often, take the week and go away with them. Kids dont stay kids forever, enjoy it while you can. Sod her if she is being selfish, it just means you get an even stronger bond with your children eh :)