A Politician's Poem

I want a floating duck house

I want to clear my moat

I need to mend my tennis court

That’s why I need your vote.

I have to build a portico

My swimming pool needs mending

My lovely plants need horse manure

And the Aga needs much tending

A chandelier is vital

Mock Tudor boards are great

My hanging baskets won awards

And I’ve earned a tax rebate.

I need a glitter toilet seat.

My piano so needs tuning

Maltesers help me stay awake

And my orchard must need pruning

I could have said the rules were wrong

And often thought I should,

But somehow it was easier

To profit all I could

The public really have to see

That the rules are there to test

And by defrauding taxpayers

We were just doing our best

The Speaker of the House has gone,

Our sacrificial beast,

But the public are still braying

For our corpses at the feast

What do the public want from us,

Those vote-wielding ingrates?

They really should be grateful

To be financing our estates.

The message is so very clear,

(we’re merely learning late)

That the British way of living well

Is to screw the bloody state.