Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer’s accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers’ Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he’d have received a Darwin Award for sure.

 

Dear Sir,

 

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put “poor planning” as the Cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the Following details will be sufficient.

 

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working Alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.

 

Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a Slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident Report form that I weigh 135lbs.

 

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost My presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

 

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until The fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was Able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.

 

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the Ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

 

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

 

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

 

I hope this answers your inquiry.

 

 

Honest it's true!

>

> Pate Spanish Style

> The following is a short and rather amusing true story, as seen recently

> by

> millions of viewers on a Spanish TV channel. The parents of a teenage girl

> decided to put their daughter's name forward for a popular Surprise Game

> Show. She idolised teeny-bopper pop star Ricky Martin, and it was arranged

> for TV cameras to be discreetly placed throughout the house. The house was

> then left empty with Ricky Martin hidden in the wardrobe in the girls

> bedroom - all set to give the daughter a wonderful surprise when she

> returned home from school. Meanwhile, the parents were in the show's

> studio, in front of a live studio audience. Upon returning home from

> school, the daughter didn't go straight to her room and open the wardrobe

> as expected. Instead she began to investigate the house, calling out the

> names of her family to establish who was at home. Having established that

> she was on her own, the daughter made her way down to the kitchen where

> she opened the fridge and removed a large tin of pate, at this stage the

> live TV audience is wondering what the hell is going on. She then went

> back upstairs to her bedroom where she proceeded to quickly remove all her

> clothes and spread the pate all over her naughty bits (remember Ricky

> Martin is still hidden inside the wardrobe, and half of Spain is seeing a

> nubile young girl, stark naked on the bed with pate all over her crotch).

> As the parents were not shocked enough by this, the daughter then calls

> the family dog, who obediently trots up the stairs to settle down to his

> favourite meal of "pate on a bed of seaweed." The broadcast is abruptly

> cut. A set of acutely embarrassed parents are left in front of a deadly

> quiet studio audience, while a few million Spaniards sit in front of their

> TVs and piss themselves with laughter. Consequently, sales of tinned pate

> have rocketed.

 

Enjoy

 

Tim

truly pissing myself laffing