...never done it before ( text sex is so much better with mms pictures ;) ) but found this on japgirls and found it very amusing:

 

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Virtually Online computer users often engage in

what is affectionately known as "cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into

keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy.

 

However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the

following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point

of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...

 

 

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

 

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I

work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36.

What do you look like?

 

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a

pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a

T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells

funny.

 

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

 

Wellhung: OK.

 

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo

and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes,

smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle

your huge, swelling bulge.

 

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

 

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

 

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

 

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

 

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

 

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off

my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

 

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole

in your blouse.I'm sorry.

 

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

 

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

 

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft

breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

 

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do

you have any scissors?

 

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing

the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My

nipples are erect for you.

 

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

 

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue

all over me.

 

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts.

They're neat!

 

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling

your ear.

 

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

 

Sweetheart: What?

 

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

 

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my

blouse.

 

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

 

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

 

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

 

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

 

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in

and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

 

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

 

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

 

 

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

 

 

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

 

Sweetheart: Can I help?

 

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through

the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

 

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

 

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

 

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

 

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

 

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

 

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And

now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's

the bedroom?

 

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

 

Wellhung: I found it.

 

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

 

Wellhung: Me too.

 

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies

pressing each other.

 

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

 

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

 

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses

on the night table.

 

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

 

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and

toward the bathroom.

 

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

 

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the

toilet. I lift the lid.

 

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

 

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I

can't find it. Uh-oh!

 

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

 

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry

again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

 

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

 

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you

know...woman's thing.

 

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

 

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your

neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

 

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it

another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

 

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

 

Sweetheart: What?

 

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

 

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my

face.

 

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy.

I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

 

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my

underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

 

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm

feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,picture frames

and your candles.

 

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

 

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our

candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a

shocked look on my face.

 

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

 

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

 

Sweetheart: { [logged off]

So did you put the firew out then Nick or did you cal the fire brigade :tongue:

So did you put the firew out then Nick or did you cal the fire brigade :tongue:

 

oh you're sooooo funny sometimes :tongue: :slap:

That is the funnest thing I've heard in ages :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

So did you put the firew out then Nick or did you cal the fire brigade :tongue:

 

He called Topless as soon as she left and got an instant stiffy :rofl:

He called Topless as soon as she left and got an instant stiffy :rofl:

 

Oh is it comedy night at the 300 forum today? :tongue: :slap:

That's but one of many he's done, he's a serial internet wind-up merchant...and the others are just as funny!

That's but one of many he's done, he's a serial internet wind-up merchant...and the others are just as funny!

 

 

yeah i seem to remember something about a pizza delivery? same guy? and a wizards hat or something??

 

hehe

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: thats so funny. talk about frustrated housewife!

yeah i seem to remember something about a pizza delivery? same guy? and a wizards hat or something??

 

hehe

Spot on Rob...in fact...here they are...:D

 

http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm

Spot on Rob...in fact...here they are...:D

 

http://www.adamchance.com/funny.htm

 

 

LOL dude..... I'm sure he has added some more to that list..........

 

Very funny, but you gotta feel for the ppl on the receiving end.