A blonde walks into a bank in London and asks to see the Manager. She says she's going to Hong Kong on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The Manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral the loan. The Manager and the tellers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a £200,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

 

 

 

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the £5,000 and interest which comes to £15.41. The Manager says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,

 

 

 

but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionaires. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?"

 

 

 

The blonde replies... "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

 

 

 

A smart blonde joke at last!

:rofl: :rofl:

:bow:

Two blokes have been on the beer all day and are stood in the loo haveing a wee

 

One looks down and says, "My god I have a hard on, its been at least five years since I had one last time, I best get off home to the wife."

 

The other guy says, "I best come with you then."

 

"Why?" asks the first.

 

"Cos thats my cock your holding"

Two blokes have been on the beer all day and are stood in the loo haveing a wee

One looks down and says, "My god I have a hard on, its been at least five years since I had one last time, I best get off home to the wife."

The other guy says, "I best come with you then."

"Why?" asks the first.

"Cos thats my cock your holding"

 

 

:rofl: :rofl:

:rofl: :rofl:

 

Wives Night Out

 

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very

faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on

the Bacardi Breezers.

 

 

Incredibly drunk & walking home they needed to take a pee so they

stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so She

thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend However

was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to Ruin

them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had A

wreath with ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

 

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally

sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the

other husband and said, "These damn girly nights have Got to stop. I'm

starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with No panties! I'm

going to kill the son of a b#tch!"

 

 

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a Card

stuck between her a#se that said "From all of us at the Fire Station.

We'll never forget you."

Wives Night Out

 

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very

faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on

the Bacardi Breezers.

 

 

Incredibly drunk & walking home they needed to take a pee so they

stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so She

thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend However

was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to Ruin

them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had A

wreath with ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

 

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally

sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the

other husband and said, "These damn girly nights have Got to stop. I'm

starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with No panties! I'm

going to kill the son of a b#tch!"

 

 

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a Card

stuck between her a#se that said "From all of us at the Fire Station.

We'll never forget you."

 

 

Christmas Story for people having a bad day....

 

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not

produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to

feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

 

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This

stressed Santa even more.

 

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were

about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven

knows where. More stress.

 

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the

toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

 

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a

shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves

had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.

 

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke

into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to

get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

 

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He

opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas

tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it

a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me

to stick it?"

 

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas

tree!

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb weight loss program.

 

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a

voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of

 

Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.

 

The sign reads: "If you can catch me, you can have me."

 

Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has

his way with her.

 

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing

happens.

 

On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost

10 lb As promised.

 

He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

 

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most

stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life.

 

She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her

neck that reads: "If you catch me you can have me."

 

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot!

This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her;

but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze,

so for the next four days, the same routine happens.

 

Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover

that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.

 

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50

pound program.

 

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone, "This is our most

rigorous program."

"Absolutely," he replies," I haven't felt this good in years."

 

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds

this huge, muscular, 7 ft man standing there, wearing nothing but pink

running shoes and a sign around his neck that read:

 

"I'm Dave. If I catch you, you're mine!"