What is the most embarrassing moment or quote you have ever had or said, the kind of moment where you just wish a hole in the ground would appear so you could disappear down it.

 

one of my many was when I was round a then girlfriends perants house with her having a nice cup of tea with her and the mother when the girlfriend suddenly out the blue says, Carl do you love me? And me with my big mouth that opens before i think replys...........well i fook you dont i! Then there was silence except the sound of my jaw hitting the ground as i realised where i was and what i had said :rofl: :rofl:

the moment i was in bed with my now wife

 

she was riding me like a rodeo bull when her mam walked in...tea was apparently ready 5mins ago! she shouted up, we never heard!

 

that was first time i met her mother!

 

took me weeks to go back!!!

 

 

true true story!

the moment i was in bed with my now wife

 

she was riding me like a rodeo bull when her mam walked in...tea was apparently ready 5mins ago! she shouted up, we never heard!

 

that was first time i met her mother!

 

took me weeks to go back!!!

 

 

true true story!

 

:rofl: happens to the best of us lol i guess you had to marry her after that :)

the only thing that was close was

 

ordered porn with a mate when i were a young lad, decided it was best sent to my house as i always beat my parents home

 

until....u guessed it...school trip to glasgow!

 

i got home to a police car outside! my parents got a suspicios package to a fictional character through the post, opened and found filth!!

 

how gutted was i when mr plod took it! thieving tw@T but i couldnt own up!!

 

parents were never the wiser till the best man (mate) told the full story in best mans speech!!

the only thing that was close was

 

ordered porn with a mate when i were a young lad, decided it was best sent to my house as i always beat my parents home

 

until....u guessed it...school trip to glasgow!

 

i got home to a police car outside! my parents got a suspicios package to a fictional character through the post, opened and found filth!!

 

how gutted was i when mr plod took it! thieving tw@T but i couldnt own up!!

 

parents were never the wiser till the best man (mate) told the full story in best mans speech!!

 

pmsl sounds like you made good impression on the mother in law so far, does she still talk to you? lol

i must have done something right...she bakes me a chocolate cake every week!

 

always make surre the missus has the first slice just incase!!

 

 

now thats enough of mine!

 

let the other repribates have a go!!! lol

I was a copper a few years ago, and was looking for a lad who had nicked some old lady's bag, As i was alone searching down alleyways, just behind the main shopping parade in Worthing, i saw the little git, and started to chase him, through the network of alleyways, as i turned the corner he was climbing an 8' metal fence. so i ran at the fence and jumped towards the top to try and gain on him, then it happend, as i climbed over my police belt with cuffs and baton got caught, as i tried to get free, the radio fell out and shatterd on the floor, i freed the belt, but got the entire arse of my trousers stuck, im quite a tall bloke, 6'3" and about 15st, then RIIIIIIIIIIP, i landed on my feet, started chasing the lad again through a crowded shopping street, after about 100mtr, i got him, with all these people around, everyone wanted to help.

It was only then, standing with my prize that i checked what i thought was a small rip on my trousers, YER RIGHT!!!!!

There was no backside to my trousers and no boxers..DOH, DOH, DOH

Basically i had been chasing him looking like i had just visited the Blue Oyester from the police academy films.

 

The worst thing about it, i couldnt call up on the radio for a car to pick me up, and had to walk a short distance to the police station. With people giggling and staring at me.

Got a copy of the police CCTV to see what it looked like, very very funny.

I was a copper a few years ago, and was looking for a lad who had nicked some old lady's bag, As i was alone searching down alleyways, just behind the main shopping parade in Worthing, i saw the little git, and started to chase him, through the network of alleyways, as i turned the corner he was climbing an 8' metal fence. so i ran at the fence and jumped towards the top to try and gain on him, then it happend, as i climbed over my police belt with cuffs and baton got caught, as i tried to get free, the radio fell out and shatterd on the floor, i freed the belt, but got the entire arse of my trousers stuck, im quite a tall bloke, 6'3" and about 15st, then RIIIIIIIIIIP, i landed on my feet, started chasing the lad again through a crowded shopping street, after about 100mtr, i got him, with all these people around, everyone wanted to help.

It was only then, standing with my prize that i checked what i thought was a small rip on my trousers, YER RIGHT!!!!!

There was no backside to my trousers and no boxers..DOH, DOH, DOH

Basically i had been chasing him looking like i had just visited the Blue Oyester from the police academy films.

 

The worst thing about it, i couldnt call up on the radio for a car to pick me up, and had to walk a short distance to the police station. With people giggling and staring at me.

Got a copy of the police CCTV to see what it looked like, very very funny.

 

lol very funny, thats a right bummer tho :rofl:

i must have done something right...she bakes me a chocolate cake every week!

 

always make surre the missus has the first slice just incase!!

 

 

now thats enough of mine!

 

let the other repribates have a go!!! lol

 

Maybe she's after a ride herself??? :rofl:

Maybe she's after a ride herself??? :rofl:

 

and smear him with chocolate cake and lick it off him :tongue:

the moment i was in bed with my now wife

 

she was riding me like a rodeo bull when her mam walked in...tea was apparently ready 5mins ago! she shouted up, we never heard!

 

that was first time i met her mother!

 

took me weeks to go back!!!

 

 

true true story!

pretty much the same as mine aprt from her mam walked in to say she was home from work but luckily as soon as she say what was happening just walked back out!! and i went back the next day!! was never liked the same in that house from then!! dont think it helped we were only 16!!!

pretty much the same as mine aprt from her mam walked in to say she was home from work but luckily as soon as she say what was happening just walked back out!! and i went back the next day!! was never liked the same in that house from then!! dont think it helped we were only 16!!!

 

no dont think coz you was 16 i think it was the fact you was shagging their little princess that didnt help :rofl:

 

i love the way us blokes always get the blame for shagging someones daughter, not the fact the daughters want you to shag em and are letting ya

never actually thought about that but it is a very true statement!!

I was in cyprus and there was a nastie road traffic accident and seeing as I was First Aider I went to assist. Won't discribe the sceen let just says loads of blood.

 

I have to give mouth to mouth etc

 

Well at one point I'm holding some guys scalp back on his head with my bare hands, lots of blood and trying to keep his neck and head from moving.

 

Without a second thought I ripe off my blouse and use it to stem the bleeding.

 

Am kneeling in the road holding this guys head together with a crowd of young drunk lads watching and I'm naked from the waist up :shock:

Now if all first aiders were like that the world would be a better place !

There was a girl at school, who unfortunatly lost her hair through some sort of disease or disorder, when she was abou 12 years old. I was quite good friends with this girl as we went through Primary school and High School together. Anyway, she had worn a wig for years, and we had all got used to it and at times even forgot she wore one.

One day, I think during a school trip, there was a group of us on the coach at the back laughing and messing around. I dont remember the details, but group was telling me to hurry up and poking fun at me a little, all in a good humour. But this girl was closest to me and giving it more than the others.

In good humour I said, "Alright alright, keep your hair on!"

And then I realised what I said. it was a david brent cringe time.

I went into the local car spares shop years ago and at the same time i went in another guy walked in just behind me we both walked up to the counter where the bloke serving stood, now the guy serving had what i call home and away eyes, 1 eye was looking at me the other eye looking at the other guy. he then asked can i help, not knowing who he was looking at, i went and said it. "Who you talking to?" Fookin trust me wasnt untill after i said it i thought why the fook did i say that

Somebody at work had found a magazine in a bin outside the factory and knowing I didn't lock my car (it was an old ford) decided to put it on the parcel shelf, then someone walked up to me and asked what it was, well all I could think of was an old rag I used to wipe the rear screen with, he turned and said "no its not, its a gay mag."

 

Well I ran outside to find out but got beat to it by a mate who waved it all over the factory, if that wasn't enough about an hour later the factory manager walked past and said to me "check your back son."

 

I took a note off my back that said in big letters,

 

I can take the pain if you can take the shit

Somebody at work had found a magazine in a bin outside the factory and knowing I didn't lock my car (it was an old ford) decided to put it on the parcel shelf, then someone walked up to me and asked what it was, well all I could think of was an old rag I used to wipe the rear screen with, he turned and said "no its not, its a gay mag."

 

Well I ran outside to find out but got beat to it by a mate who waved it all over the factory, if that wasn't enough about an hour later the factory manager walked past and said to me "check your back son."

 

I took a note off my back that said in big letters,

 

I can take the pain if you can take the shit

 

pmsl did you get the impession they didnt like you?

pmsl did you get the impession they didnt like you?

 

No mate quite the opposite, they only play with the guys they like.

 

The armholes are just sneared at.

No mate quite the opposite, they only play with the guys they like.

 

The armholes are just sneared at.

 

yep i got ya we used to do similer things to the apprentices, the usual classics like go and ask for a long wait or go and get 5 meters of filopian tube or a bucket of commpressed air etc which they did in their innocence lol But when i asked one to get me a rubber mallut he thought i was taking the piss

The wife's parents were coming to stay. We'd just moved in so they were expecting the 'full tour'.

 

I was under strict instructions to keep the house immaculate and the morning before they arrived we were getting everything spotless.

 

I farted (and for some reason that evades me right now was naked at the time).

 

I followed through, spraying liquidy shyte all over the carpet and bed in that room - the room her parents were meant to stay in.

 

It took the wife a long time to see the funny side of that!

The wife's parents were coming to stay. We'd just moved in so they were expecting the 'full tour'.

 

I was under strict instructions to keep the house immaculate and the morning before they arrived we were getting everything spotless.

 

I farted (and for some reason that evades me right now was naked at the time).

 

I followed through, spraying liquidy shyte all over the carpet and bed in that room - the room her parents were meant to stay in.

 

It took the wife a long time to see the funny side of that!

 

pmsl dont know why women dont have a sense of humour

 

But i would like to know what is this fettish you have about shitting and farting craig :rofl: :)

The wife's parents were coming to stay. We'd just moved in so they were expecting the 'full tour'.

 

I was under strict instructions to keep the house immaculate and the morning before they arrived we were getting everything spotless.

 

I farted (and for some reason that evades me right now was naked at the time).

 

I followed through, spraying liquidy shyte all over the carpet and bed in that room - the room her parents were meant to stay in.

 

It took the wife a long time to see the funny side of that!

 

Thats just wrong man, funny as but wrong

The wife's parents were coming to stay. We'd just moved in so they were expecting the 'full tour'.

 

I was under strict instructions to keep the house immaculate and the morning before they arrived we were getting everything spotless.

 

I farted (and for some reason that evades me right now was naked at the time).

 

I followed through, spraying liquidy shyte all over the carpet and bed in that room - the room her parents were meant to stay in.

 

It took the wife a long time to see the funny side of that!

 

Fuck me u need to go see a doctor :rofl:

having sex with an ex's mother, and her and her dad walking in, say no more