1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

 

Ask your mother.

 

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2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?

 

Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

 

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3) What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?

 

A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with

everybody at the party except you.

 

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4) What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

 

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

 

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5) What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

 

A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

 

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6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

 

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of

driving.

 

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7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

 

No one to talk to during orgasm.

 

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8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?

 

A mechanic.

 

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9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

 

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen

donuts.

 

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10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

 

The one who can eat the last donut.

 

___________________________________________________________

 

11) Jewish dilemma:

 

Free PORK.

 

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12) The three words men hate to hear most during sex:

 

"Are you in?"

 

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13) The three words women hate to hear most during sex:

 

"Honey, I'm home!"

And my contribution

 

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" Furious, the lady stormed past the store to work. On the way home she saw the same parrot again and it said to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" She was incredibly ticked now. The next day she walks past the same parrot again and it says to her, "Hey lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said she would sue the store to get rid of the bird. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady!" She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."

i like those, well done that man

Brightened up my Friday, cheers

same here. cheers.

 

Q. what's worse than 8 babies nailed to a tree?

 

A. one baby nailed to 8 trees!